Teen Mom3

Ok, TM3 premieres tonight and I was THINKING about blogging a recap-- then I realized its 2 hours. I don't have the energy or interest to invest 2 hours into another set of no bodies. 

Please post a comment if you watch and feel I'm missing out. 

Court, arrests, drugs, etc. Yawn.

Well Jenelle....

The many engagements of Jenelle Evans

Our girl Jenelle knows how to secure a ring, y'all! Thirsty bitches, take notes.

 

While on a date with a boy named Jared, Jenelle shared the story of her engagement ring from Andrew, Her son's father. 

This is how the conversation went down. (This transcript is from Starcasm)

Jenelle: One time I was cutting a piece of bread and I cut right through onto my – see that diagonal spot right there on my finger? Yeah, and I had to get stitches.

Jared: (nods) I cut into my shin with a chainsaw one time.

Jenelle: One thing you have to know about me, I love bread and butter.

Jared: Yeah. I’m glad I get to take you out somewhere like this’

Jenelle: Yeah, when I dated Andrew he never toook me out. He, when I first met him, the first Valentine’s Day, he got me this ring. I only keep this ring because I like it! (laughs) Not because of him. So then, um, he got me this with earrings and a necklace to match with it, and that was like $600. But after that, he didn’t get me nothing. He had money from modeling because he used to model in New York, but he spent all 7, no $14,000 on alcohol. Yeah. It’s sad.

Jared: Yeah, that is really sad.

Jenelle: Well when I axed him to buy me like a lip ring or something, he said, “No. I don’t have the money.” You see, Andrew he’s – well see, I have no trouble with like just sitting down and chilling, but he sat in his room in his house every day all day watching TV, staring at the television all day every day, from morning til night. That’s all he did – didn’t work or nothing – that’s it. And evry time I’d go over there that’s all we would do, watch TV. It wasn’t that interesting.

Jenelle: I have to be home by eight because Jace, I have to go watch him.

Well, Jenelle... That wasn't yuh best date theyuh. These two did not get engaged and obviously the gift from Andrew was just another case of "The Ring Didn't Mean a Thing" (I see you Kim Z!)

Next, she secured the ring from ole' Kieffycakes. I'm fuzzy on the story of how that ring came to be. I am sure with all of the drugs and fights and arrests, they are fuzzy on this subject, also. 

The whole world saw Gary Head propose to Jenelle: 

Jenelle: I love you because your big ears are sticking out like that all the time!
Gary: I don't care leave my big ears alone
Jenelle: Dumbo, fly away
Gary: I need to talk to you. I know we had some trust issues, but we're pretty much over it.
Jenelle: Yeah, now that Kieffer is gone. Kieffer... Kieffer... Kieffer....
Gary: I guess, I'm asking you, will you marry me?

Jenelle calls Barbara to tell her the big news. Babs tells Jenelle that her only reservation is the amount of fighting they do. Jenelle tells her to chillax because things are going well ...today.

Babs: Well, Juh-nell, what was the proposal?
Jenelle: He came in my room and got down on one knee. It wasn't special 
Babs: Aw well thats real rowmantic Juh-nell
Jenelle: He probably should have planned it out better, but he was excited
Babs: Well, ya know, he helps me a lot wiff Jace theyuh, so I'm awl in.
Jenelle: Ok, well I'm going get my hair done.

Finally, there was the quickie engagement and subsequent marriage to Courtland "it's not my heroin" Rogers. Jenelle told us all about it on Facebook: 

“So Courtland goes inside Zales in the mall. I was in the food court eating. I was getting pissed and stressed he was meeting up with some other girl and come to find out we leave the mall and get in the car and he pulls out this!!! He stated ‘Diamonds lasts forever and go hard or go home.’ So now I have a white gold 1.5 karat diamond ring for simply being his girlfriend. I love u so fucking much, u mean everything to me. ♥ I'm not even his fiancé, best gift EVER! Thanks gorgeous!!”

Not his fiancée? Then, how prey-tell did this non-engagement turn into a failed marriage? 

She gave him a ride to court for his felony charges. They took a wrong turn and somehow ended up with a marriage license. Whaaaat? Jenelle then announced to twitter that she has a little message for her new husbands old girl (and the mother of his child): Fuck you Taylor! He's MY husband. You just have his baby. GTFO!

What? No honeymoon? Then,

Courtland publicly tweeted Taylor something about their child and Jenelle immediately notified all of her twitter followers that they were divorcing because he is sneaky! Courtland then asked the world -"Why does everyone think we're getting a divorce? I love my wife!" 

Several break ups and make ups later, they both went to jail for domestic abuse and heroin. The state law requires they remain married for a period of one year before filing for divorce so expect that around December because....

SURPRISE! Jenelle and Sgt. Steel Abs are not-quite engaged. 

Do you think they'll make it down the aisle? How long do you give it?