In June, she bought a home in South Carolina (you know, no where near her son) with her surprisingly super hot boyfriend, Nathan Griffith. The world held their breath waiting for the foreclosure notice.
He's also an underwear model.
Then, that didn't quite pan out. Here's the news we've been waiting for: she had to give up the home ownership before the ink was dry because the neighborhood does NOT allow filming! Teen Mom 2 is coming back for season 5, y'all! Bring on the hot messes.
Jenelle also had an emergency appendectomy. (Is there any other kind?) Many people believed that she was actually in the hospital for a heroin overdose so she had her boyfriend, Nathan McHotty tweet a sketchy photo of her recovery...
I call it sketchy because many people said that there were stitches not staples, bandages were in the wrong places, who knows? I'm no medical expert and I do not care enough to google this. Someone leave a comment and tell me if this looks like an appendectomy.
Because its Jenelle Evans and not a normal person with a fully functioning brain and tact or class, she responded to the haters by removing the bandages and tweeting a second photo. Thanks for that.
The next order of business was to answer her cyber stalking charges in court. Gary Head claims that Jenelle had been cyber stalking him and they were going to face off in court, but he could not be bothered to show up so the state could not prosecute and the case was dismissed.
You remember Gary Head. They were in love and going to get married. Short review: Then, they beat each other up and were arrested. She married Courtland Rogers. Then, they beat each other up and got arrested. Then, she moved back in with Gary Head. She was going to divorce Courtland and marry Gary. Then, they got in a fight and she moved in with her husband, Courtland Rogers and they were arrested in April for beating each other up and possessing 12 bindles of heroin. Now, she has moved on to Sgt. Shirtless.
Well, her court date with her husband Courtland is coming up on August 12th (the same day RHOM starts!), but he was released from jail this week. He had been sharing his showers since April and needed to catch up with his wife.
Jenelle and Courtland have been in a twitter war since he got out of the slammer and I just can't imagine how McHotty feels about it. Jenelle and Courtlands baby's mother, Taylor, are friends and they have play dates with their children, JaJa and Jace, so I don't see Courtland leaving her alone anytime soon. Jenelle claims she is waiting until December, when she can legally file for divorce in the state of North Carolina. I see her relationship with Sgt. Shirtless going south waaaaay before then. Le sigh.
Since Taylor and Jenelle have been ganging up on Courtland, he has decided he needs a brother in twitter arms. Who did he turn to? KEEFUHHHHHHH! Thank God! What is Jenelle without Keefycakes? Whitney without Bobby. Sad.
The boys are trying to put together a timeline on when McHotty first appeared on the scene and the last time every one had sex with one another. Please note the sheer number of people commenting on the sex life of Jenelle "spread it around" Evans:
Basically, Jenelle is wide open, y'all.
Allegedly. Maybe. Definitely. Jenelle also alleged in several tweets that her time spent with Reefuh Keefuh was mostly filled with him (allegedly) taking bath salts and playing Call of Duty while ignoring her. I have a STRONG feeling that he was not on the bath salts because NELLY still has her face...
In just a few short months, we will watch Jenelle inevitably self destruct, selfish Kailyn throw tantrums, whiney Chelsea sit on her couch, and Leah do some actual parenting in her polyandrous lifestyle! Oh, thank God! I was beginning to think we'd have to settle for Teen Mom 3. To be honest, just based loosely on the previews, I don't think there will be anyone to judge. I only like Teen Mom because I can freely judge these women with no reservations.
I. Can. Not. Wait.
Update July 30, 2013:
Source: Sulia/Rumor Fix
Jenelle posted the following article, which can only attest to the fact that MTV Teen Moms struggle incredibly with education.
"Last week I had a court date for the assault charge against myself and my husband. I ended up getting the court date continued and now my lawyer revealed that I might be able to get out of this heroin charge?! I really hope so! Dustin Sullivan is my lawyer and told RadarOnline that he might be able to get myself a plea bargain with probation with all of the charges being dropped except for the bowl that was in my possession at the time..."
So Dustin, esq. is going to lie to the court and claim that Jenelle had no knowledge of the heroin in her home? Wasn't she FRESH out of rehab for heroin? I like that Jenelle brushes the crack pipe off like "NBD! I had drug ACCESSORIES, but the drugs weren't mine! Obvi!"
Hey, hey, girly, we believe you.
No, I REALLY believe that Dustin, ESQ. will be counting money all week and giggling while watching retro MTV brunch marathons of The Hills.
I wish Babs would weigh in.
Jenelle is feeling so confident that she's freely throwing shade.
Such a ROLE MODEL!
(Remember when she threw a Mother's Day party in a bar? Hahaha!!!)
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