Kailyn is getting ready to give birth and she's painting in the nursery. I'm sure Javi would like to tell her how unsafe that is for baby, but he can't get a word in with her bitching and bitching and bitching. She calls him a moron, but she's the one trying to tell a mexican how to paint. OMG-- can you not!? (Just kidding guys, calm down!)
Aaaaaand we're off! She's in labor. Javi is really supportive and sweet for all SIXTEEN HOURS of labor. I know lots of people go that long, but just thinking of it sounds exhausting. Kailyn gave birth to our 16th president during happy hour. I imagine a world where North West, Moses Martin, Lincoln Maraquin, and Mr. President Nida have a kindergarten photo together without Suri Cruise. Javi is really excited and supportive. It's cute. Isaac meets his brother and it's literally the cutest thing I've seen for weeks. He says that Lincoln is HIS baby, his hair is disgusting, and he holds him so lovingly. She's decided her mom can't stay at their house because she sent too many drunks texts while Kailyn was in labor.
Kailyn has a rent-a-friend over to discuss Isaacs transition from only child to big brother. Now, she is regaling us with the tale of 2 am drunk texts from Mother Dearest during labor. She says its a blessing in disguise, because she didn't need the stress in her home with a new baby while she recovers from labor. I agree. Is hell frozen over? Javi is a doting dad. It's super cute. After-birth is really Kailyns best look. She's tolerable.
Leah is dragging a highchair with one hand and holding a glass of wine cooler with the other. She got busted sexting with Corey. Jeremy has again mentioned divorce. Crying wolf. Poor Miranda. They agree to go to counseling -- against Jeremy's better judgement. By the way, their daughter is screaming through the whole scene.
So, despite her husband being incredibly uncomfortable with the amount of texting she and her ex husband have been doing, and the nature of said texts, Leah continues to text Corey and now they are meeting up to do a retrospective and discuss her and Jeremy's martial issues. Leah thinks she's an honest person. LOL (Hey Robbie) They both admit on national tv that they could have made their marriage work. Poor Miranda. I really like her, but her husband is being caught up in his ex-wives childish melodrama.
Leahs twins are at cheer practice -- super cute! Leah, Corey, and Jeremy all stand together watching cheer practice -- even cuter! I swear, people should study this family system. Aside from Leah's incessant whining, they are such a loving, caring family. They co-parent FLAWLESSLY! Divorce done right. Leah feels like the boys are on a team against her, divorce done TOO well? Uh-oh, trouble in WhoVille. Jeremy feels like things are so copasetic that Leah and Corey might still love each other. I think it's probably a small bump in the road and it's still incredibly preferable to ugly divorces where people scream and can't be in the same room together.
Leah feels like Jeremy doesn't express his love for her or concern for his family while he's working out of town. She feels less important that his job. She really wishes he would take an office job in town for a fraction of the pay, instead they're going to counseling. Leah is really an idiot. My better half works out of town. Every time he leaves I am sad. Every time he comes home I am elated. All of the time, I am thankful for the handwork and sacrifices he makes to support me.
Aubree is having some kind of preschool pageant and both of her parents are going to be there. Adam shows up, but of course his girlfriend and their child are there, too. Chelsea is uncomfortable. Aubree is adorable. The pageant is cute. Papa Randy is there taking photos!
Can anyone tell Chelsea, Meagan, and that girl from Total Divas apart? Chelsea says if she met Adam today, she wouldn't be interested. Oh, look at Adam, texting and driving and talking to his girlfriend about his baby momma. Whatever, I text and drive. I don't, however, get a million DUIs, so… HA!
Chelsea has a job, but she still needs to take her state board tests for licensure. She is preparing. Do I want her to give me microdermabrasion or a chemical peel? I am uncertain. I feel I deserve a discount, because when she discusses it, she mentions not being able to pass the GED for 5 years...
Chelsea is complaining about the new visitation schedule that the rest of America has been on for 15 years: every other weekend and a 2 weeks int he summer. She thinks it;s not fair because she also works, so her time with Aubree is limited. Welcome to co-parenting. She's not being too annoying about it, though... It's fine. Okay, whatshisface needs to get it together. He got caught sending other girls dick pics so his girlfriend made him change his number and now he can only inbox Chelsea. She can't have his number. Okay -- lets be clear: Facebook inboxing is waaaaaaaaaaay shadier than texting and calling. Way to be immature Adam Lind. What a fool.
Jenelle is almost 2 months pregnant, so... we shouldn't even know about her pregnancy, yet. She's taking Jace to karate because he likes to hit other kids. Be good or be good at it. Jace is really cute. I'm so happy he finally has a positive role model in his life!! He just said the words, "yes sir". A first! I'm sure it won't last. Jenelle can't commit to anything. She has to much SHE wants to do. She can't be bothered with parenting. As if!
Babs is asking why Nathan and Jenelle don't get jobs instead of playing videos games all day? Nathan alludes to fake "plans" for jobs and lists a million jobs he's allegedly had. I'm pretty sure he thinks this laundry list of odd jobs shows he's hard working, but it really just shows that he doesn't commit to anything. Personal trainer, model, marine, salesman, waiter, investor, fake jobs that don't exist. He's 24. He tells Barbara that Jenelles money is his money. She says, nooooooo sir! You aren't married. Her money is not your money. He runs out of the room. Jenelle makes excuses for him. Babs drops some truth bombs. Jace is in the shadows watching, listening, plotting his escape. Break the cycle, Jace! You can do it! Also, get out of those feet pajamas. I'm sweating for you.
Nathan got arrested for his 3rd DUI. He is SO arrogant and ignorant that he tells the cop to get off his personal property. He and Jenelle discuss how unprofessional the WHOLE police department is. They don't agree on the definition of the term "minimum". For the second time in their 2 month pregnancy, one of the parents may spend a considerable amount of time in jail. Classy.
Jenelle is excusing Nathans 3rd DUI. Barbara is asking peppered questions regarding the $4000 price tag for his arrest and clearly judging. Jenelle is indignant. Like, do NOT even bother me with this. I'm 21 ! I've had 5 pregnancies. I can't be held accountable for wether or not my boyfriend drives my car from here on out. OMG! Also, Jace is hungry, but Babs wants him to eat a cheeseburger. For some reason that makes him cry. Eat the cake, AnnaMae.
Next week is the 90 minute season finale of Teen Mom 2 Season 5:
Adams car is on fire
Someone-- one of Leahs kids? -- can't breathe
Kailyn is crying and it looks like Jo is living with a lady
Nathan asks Jenelle to get an abortion, I'm not sure why she's crying.
It would be her 3rd or 4th. Old hat.
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Teen Mom: Out of the CLEAR BLUE
You'll notice I skipped last weeks episode. I couldnt stomach Kailyns vow renewal.
Kailyn and Javi are in bed discussing the fact that she hasnt yet gotten excited about her baby. She's still talking about Jo and her mom not attending the wedding they werent invited to. I'm still bored. Next.
Isaac is the only thing I enjoy in Kailyns scenes. He's really cute. his time with Jo is really rubbing off on him, thank God.
Okay, the new storyline is Kailyns mom. She called "randomly" and asked if she could crash at Kailyns for a while. I think they'll let her because Kailyn needs something to complain about. Moment of honesty, "I'm kind of bitter". Nooooooooooo! Truer words have never been spoken.
Oh heres a scene of Jo parenting Isaac and interacting with him. I love that.
Oh here's an awkward call between Kailyn and her mom. I hate that. Yeah- she's moving in next week. Indefinitely. Ugh, her mom is already talking down to her on the phone. Oh God, Kailyn is fucking crying. Stop putting yourself in these situations you fucktard. This whole conversation is so fucking fake I'm going to barf. Her mom is trying SOOOOO hard to sound like she loves and cares for her daughter but where has she been for 3 years? Ha! BYE!
Chelsea is preparing to take her state board exam, which is ALMOST a new storyline for her. She already has a job. Meanwhile, Adams lawyer finally responded so theres another scene of Chelsea and Papa Randy talking about "court documents".
Aubree is the cutest child thats ever been on any season of Teen Mom any thing, but she's having quite the meltdown. As my mother would say, "She is cruisin for a bruisin'!"I have to say, Chelsea keeps her cool pretty well, but unfortunately she does relinquish her authority by saying, "I'm calling your grandpa!" There's no perfect parent and theres no one right way to parent, and calling your parent when you are stressed is fine, but I don't think I'd have threatened her with her grandparents. Props to her either way, she kept her cool under pressure.
Excuse me>>>> after that hot mess of a meltdown Chelsea is taking her child for ice cream? WTF even? Omg. This is how a "chelsea" is sculpted. Aaaaaadumb talk. A moment of honesty, "I don't like it because I don't like not being in control". Ooops! Aubree got her first brain freeze. Back to boring chatter regarding Adam and court. I d o n ' t c a r e I d o n ' t c a r e I d o n ' t c a r e !
Chelsea and her dad are having lunch, what do you want to bet -- yeah! We're talking about court papers and Adam and visitation. Adam is getting his every-other weekend, but Chelsea is getting her stipulation of monitored visits and no driving! No, Adam and his 15 DUIs can't drive with Aubree. Apparently, this is temporary on a 3-month trial. If Adam breaks the rules, this all reverts back to the old agreement of Chelsea only. Personally, I am elated for Aubree because no matter where her father is or when he shows or doesn't, she gets quality time with his side of the family. It's about grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins, too.
Jenelle immediately says she's 2-3 weeks pregnant. She's keeping it in her back pocket. Nathan is dressed very oddly and also he is excited.
OH MY GOD! Jenelle HONESTLY thinks that having a baby will solve their relationship issues because they will "be busy all the time so (they) wont have time to fight". This bitch. Nathan pretty much revealed his master plan: "I could be one of those douchebags and bail on you, then youd be stuck with another child". Jenelle SMIRKS and replies, "Then I'd be stuck with another child. Thats my decision." GIRL! A) Barbara would be stuck with two toddlers and you. B) He did it before, he will do it again. C) Whats his middle name? I'll bet you don't even know it because youve been dating for 15 minutes. By the way, aren't you still married? I know you are because you've been texting your husband ever since he got out of jail (side note, he went back to jail today). Jenelle thinks she has a mature state of mind. Was your jail stint a week ago the moment of clarity? She continues pontificating and Nathan just cannot listen to her for one more moment. He decides to give himself one last shot at freedom and tried to shake the baby right out of her by throwing her in the air and shouting through gritted teeth, "WERE HAVING A BABY! WERE HAVING A BABY! WERE HAVING A BABY!" Awkward.
Jenelle hasn't told her mom about her pregnancy, not because of her ultrasound but because she never sees Barbara and Jace. There's something weird going on with Nathans hair, will the real Slim Shady please stand up? Ultrasounds are old hat for Jenelle. She's had so many.... She's still talking about that baby she DIDN'T want... a month ago. #AbortionByTeenMom oh look - #LiesByTeenMom, she's going to quit smoking and she doesn't do drugs L-O-L. No questions about pregnancy, because duh.. she's had so many.
Jenelle is OH-So-Casual when she tells her mom thats shes pregnant, again. Thanks for the abortion fund, last month. Babs immediately cautions that if Nathan bails, she's not keeping the baby for Jenelle. Jenelle says she'll keep this one, then she leaves to rub it in Jace's face. Jenelle tells Jace that the baby is only an inch big, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't understand that he thinks the baby will come out of her an inch big. She then tells her first born that he stole all of her food. He doesn't care and shrugs off the allegations by saying, "I was so hungry". Oh Barbara, you're doing an alright job. He's adorable, and pretty smart, too. Can you get him to quit dropping F-bombs, though? Jenelle keeps pretending that Jace and this kid will have a close relationship. Remember last month when she borught Jace to her abortion? That was cute, too. Jenelle is having a boy and naming it Kaiser (WHY!?), but had it been a girl, her name would have been Lydia Marie. Barbara wishes should would pick a french middle name.......... crickets. crickets. Next, Jenelle proposes the name Leighton, like Blair Waldorf, Leighton Meester... Barbara cackles, "Hey LAY! Wanna go LAY down? Ha Ha Ha!"What. A. Mess!
Listening to Nathan read is like >>>>> HAHA! Oh shock of my life, Jenelle "didn't care" when she was pregnant for Jace. I can't wait for him to watch this back and hear that. Now, they are bickering about how imperfect Jenelle finds Nathan. #TrueLove
Leah is still whining about her husband's absence. They show a clip that's probably supposed to make us feel for her, but its really just a clip from any mothers average day. Next, Leah takes the children to the wheelchair lesson/practice? I'm not sure what to call it. Ali is learning to get around in her wheelchair and part of the curriculum is chasing her sister in the parking lot. It's a cute scene. I have to ask, who tf is Grace? I would really like to see Leah get a full makeover - head to toe, wardrobe included. Wardrobe especially.
Leah is dropping her twins off to their dad and updating him on the wheelchair process. I'm with Corey, let's not push the wheelchair on a child who CAN walk. Leah and Coreys children simply cannot and will not stay in their car seats. This is a sad episode for car seats. Corey decides its time to begin spanking. Leah announces she's BEEN "wearing their butts out". Hmm.. Well.
Leah and her mom are having pizza together and gossiping about Ali in her wheelchair. Now, she's talking about the martial issues between herself and Jeremy. Unfortunately, Momma Dawn is not being the voice of reason, she's backing Leah on this "Don't go to work. Stay home, don't make money, and let me nag you all day" schtick. Leah, no one is on your side. These are the complaints of an immature, tunnel-visioned, child. Your husband is the best any of us can hope for.
Leah is on the phone crying to her newlywed friend and telling her that things have become DIRE, according to her, regarding her marriage. She's very emtional and shes speaking very poorly of her husband. OH SHIT- Jeremy dropped the big D. He said he'd file for divorce, but she wants counseling. She says he's changed and she didn't know he was like this... Maybe you'd know your husband better had you actually dated him, but you didn't. You moved in with him immediately, after meeting on Facebook and immediately got pregnant. Rush rush rush.
Next week:
Leah flirts with Corey, her ex-husband
Chelsea complains that Adam is parenting
Isaac meets his new brother
Jenelle makes excuses for Nathan getting another DUI?
Kailyn and Javi are in bed discussing the fact that she hasnt yet gotten excited about her baby. She's still talking about Jo and her mom not attending the wedding they werent invited to. I'm still bored. Next.
Isaac is the only thing I enjoy in Kailyns scenes. He's really cute. his time with Jo is really rubbing off on him, thank God.
Okay, the new storyline is Kailyns mom. She called "randomly" and asked if she could crash at Kailyns for a while. I think they'll let her because Kailyn needs something to complain about. Moment of honesty, "I'm kind of bitter". Nooooooooooo! Truer words have never been spoken.
Oh heres a scene of Jo parenting Isaac and interacting with him. I love that.
Oh here's an awkward call between Kailyn and her mom. I hate that. Yeah- she's moving in next week. Indefinitely. Ugh, her mom is already talking down to her on the phone. Oh God, Kailyn is fucking crying. Stop putting yourself in these situations you fucktard. This whole conversation is so fucking fake I'm going to barf. Her mom is trying SOOOOO hard to sound like she loves and cares for her daughter but where has she been for 3 years? Ha! BYE!
Chelsea is preparing to take her state board exam, which is ALMOST a new storyline for her. She already has a job. Meanwhile, Adams lawyer finally responded so theres another scene of Chelsea and Papa Randy talking about "court documents".
Aubree is the cutest child thats ever been on any season of Teen Mom any thing, but she's having quite the meltdown. As my mother would say, "She is cruisin for a bruisin'!"I have to say, Chelsea keeps her cool pretty well, but unfortunately she does relinquish her authority by saying, "I'm calling your grandpa!" There's no perfect parent and theres no one right way to parent, and calling your parent when you are stressed is fine, but I don't think I'd have threatened her with her grandparents. Props to her either way, she kept her cool under pressure.
Excuse me>>>> after that hot mess of a meltdown Chelsea is taking her child for ice cream? WTF even? Omg. This is how a "chelsea" is sculpted. Aaaaaadumb talk. A moment of honesty, "I don't like it because I don't like not being in control". Ooops! Aubree got her first brain freeze. Back to boring chatter regarding Adam and court. I d o n ' t c a r e I d o n ' t c a r e I d o n ' t c a r e !
Chelsea and her dad are having lunch, what do you want to bet -- yeah! We're talking about court papers and Adam and visitation. Adam is getting his every-other weekend, but Chelsea is getting her stipulation of monitored visits and no driving! No, Adam and his 15 DUIs can't drive with Aubree. Apparently, this is temporary on a 3-month trial. If Adam breaks the rules, this all reverts back to the old agreement of Chelsea only. Personally, I am elated for Aubree because no matter where her father is or when he shows or doesn't, she gets quality time with his side of the family. It's about grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins, too.
Jenelle immediately says she's 2-3 weeks pregnant. She's keeping it in her back pocket. Nathan is dressed very oddly and also he is excited.
 |
| I SEEN YA WIFF YA HUSBAND |
Jenelle hasn't told her mom about her pregnancy, not because of her ultrasound but because she never sees Barbara and Jace. There's something weird going on with Nathans hair, will the real Slim Shady please stand up? Ultrasounds are old hat for Jenelle. She's had so many.... She's still talking about that baby she DIDN'T want... a month ago. #AbortionByTeenMom oh look - #LiesByTeenMom, she's going to quit smoking and she doesn't do drugs L-O-L. No questions about pregnancy, because duh.. she's had so many.
Jenelle is OH-So-Casual when she tells her mom thats shes pregnant, again. Thanks for the abortion fund, last month. Babs immediately cautions that if Nathan bails, she's not keeping the baby for Jenelle. Jenelle says she'll keep this one, then she leaves to rub it in Jace's face. Jenelle tells Jace that the baby is only an inch big, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't understand that he thinks the baby will come out of her an inch big. She then tells her first born that he stole all of her food. He doesn't care and shrugs off the allegations by saying, "I was so hungry". Oh Barbara, you're doing an alright job. He's adorable, and pretty smart, too. Can you get him to quit dropping F-bombs, though? Jenelle keeps pretending that Jace and this kid will have a close relationship. Remember last month when she borught Jace to her abortion? That was cute, too. Jenelle is having a boy and naming it Kaiser (WHY!?), but had it been a girl, her name would have been Lydia Marie. Barbara wishes should would pick a french middle name.......... crickets. crickets. Next, Jenelle proposes the name Leighton, like Blair Waldorf, Leighton Meester... Barbara cackles, "Hey LAY! Wanna go LAY down? Ha Ha Ha!"What. A. Mess!
Listening to Nathan read is like >>>>> HAHA! Oh shock of my life, Jenelle "didn't care" when she was pregnant for Jace. I can't wait for him to watch this back and hear that. Now, they are bickering about how imperfect Jenelle finds Nathan. #TrueLove
Leah is still whining about her husband's absence. They show a clip that's probably supposed to make us feel for her, but its really just a clip from any mothers average day. Next, Leah takes the children to the wheelchair lesson/practice? I'm not sure what to call it. Ali is learning to get around in her wheelchair and part of the curriculum is chasing her sister in the parking lot. It's a cute scene. I have to ask, who tf is Grace? I would really like to see Leah get a full makeover - head to toe, wardrobe included. Wardrobe especially.
Leah is dropping her twins off to their dad and updating him on the wheelchair process. I'm with Corey, let's not push the wheelchair on a child who CAN walk. Leah and Coreys children simply cannot and will not stay in their car seats. This is a sad episode for car seats. Corey decides its time to begin spanking. Leah announces she's BEEN "wearing their butts out". Hmm.. Well.
Leah and her mom are having pizza together and gossiping about Ali in her wheelchair. Now, she's talking about the martial issues between herself and Jeremy. Unfortunately, Momma Dawn is not being the voice of reason, she's backing Leah on this "Don't go to work. Stay home, don't make money, and let me nag you all day" schtick. Leah, no one is on your side. These are the complaints of an immature, tunnel-visioned, child. Your husband is the best any of us can hope for.
Leah is on the phone crying to her newlywed friend and telling her that things have become DIRE, according to her, regarding her marriage. She's very emtional and shes speaking very poorly of her husband. OH SHIT- Jeremy dropped the big D. He said he'd file for divorce, but she wants counseling. She says he's changed and she didn't know he was like this... Maybe you'd know your husband better had you actually dated him, but you didn't. You moved in with him immediately, after meeting on Facebook and immediately got pregnant. Rush rush rush.
Next week:
Leah flirts with Corey, her ex-husband
Chelsea complains that Adam is parenting
Isaac meets his new brother
Jenelle makes excuses for Nathan getting another DUI?
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