Teen Mom: Out of the CLEAR BLUE

You'll notice I skipped last weeks episode. I couldnt stomach Kailyns vow renewal.

Kailyn and Javi are in bed discussing the fact that she hasnt yet gotten excited about her baby. She's still talking about Jo and her mom not attending the wedding they werent invited to. I'm still bored. Next.
Isaac is the only thing I enjoy in Kailyns scenes. He's really cute. his time with Jo is really rubbing off on him, thank God.
Okay, the new storyline is Kailyns mom. She called "randomly" and asked if she could crash at Kailyns for a while. I think they'll let her because Kailyn needs something to complain about. Moment of honesty, "I'm kind of bitter". Nooooooooooo! Truer words have never been spoken.
Oh heres a scene of Jo parenting Isaac and interacting with him. I love that.
Oh here's an awkward call between Kailyn and her mom. I hate that. Yeah- she's moving in next week. Indefinitely. Ugh, her mom is already talking down to her on the phone. Oh God, Kailyn is fucking crying. Stop putting yourself in these situations you fucktard. This whole conversation is so fucking fake I'm going to barf. Her mom is trying SOOOOO hard to sound like she loves and cares for her daughter but where has she been for 3 years? Ha! BYE!

Chelsea is preparing to take her state board exam, which is ALMOST a new storyline for her. She already has a job. Meanwhile, Adams lawyer finally responded so theres another scene of Chelsea and Papa Randy talking about "court documents".
Aubree is the cutest child thats ever been on any season of Teen Mom any thing, but she's having quite the meltdown. As my mother would say, "She is cruisin for a bruisin'!"I have to say, Chelsea keeps her cool pretty well, but unfortunately she does relinquish her authority by saying, "I'm calling your grandpa!" There's no perfect parent and theres no one right way to parent, and calling your parent when you are stressed is fine, but I don't think I'd have threatened her with her grandparents. Props to her either way, she kept her cool under pressure.
Excuse me>>>> after that hot mess of a meltdown Chelsea is taking her child for ice cream? WTF even? Omg. This is how a "chelsea" is sculpted. Aaaaaadumb talk. A moment of honesty, "I don't like it because I don't like not being in control". Ooops! Aubree got her first brain freeze. Back to boring chatter regarding Adam and court. I  d o n ' t   c a r e   I   d o n ' t   c a r e   I   d o n ' t   c a r e !
Chelsea and her dad are having lunch, what do you want to bet -- yeah! We're talking about court papers and Adam and visitation. Adam is getting his every-other weekend, but Chelsea is getting her stipulation of monitored visits and no driving! No, Adam and his 15 DUIs can't drive with Aubree. Apparently, this is temporary on a 3-month trial. If Adam breaks the rules, this all reverts back to the old agreement of Chelsea only. Personally, I am elated for Aubree because no matter where her father is or when he shows or doesn't, she gets quality time with his side of the family. It's about grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins, too.

Jenelle immediately says she's 2-3 weeks pregnant. She's keeping it in her back pocket. Nathan is dressed very oddly and also he is excited.

I SEEN YA WIFF YA HUSBAND

OH MY GOD! Jenelle HONESTLY thinks that having a baby will solve their relationship issues because they will "be busy all the time so (they) wont have time to fight". This bitch. Nathan pretty much revealed his master plan: "I could be one of those douchebags and bail on you, then youd be stuck with another child". Jenelle SMIRKS and replies, "Then I'd be stuck with another child. Thats my decision." GIRL! A) Barbara would be stuck with two toddlers and you. B) He did it before, he will do it again. C) Whats his middle name? I'll bet you don't even know it because youve been dating for 15 minutes. By the way, aren't you still married? I know you are because you've been texting your husband ever since he got out of jail (side note, he went back to jail today). Jenelle thinks she has a mature state of mind. Was your jail stint a week ago the moment of clarity? She continues pontificating and Nathan just cannot listen to her for one more moment. He decides to give himself one last shot at freedom and tried to shake the baby right out of her by throwing her in the air and shouting through gritted teeth, "WERE HAVING A BABY! WERE HAVING A BABY! WERE HAVING A BABY!" Awkward.
Jenelle hasn't told her mom about her pregnancy, not because of her ultrasound but because she never sees Barbara and Jace. There's something weird going on with Nathans hair, will the real Slim Shady please stand up? Ultrasounds are old hat for Jenelle. She's had so many.... She's still talking about that baby she DIDN'T want... a month ago. #AbortionByTeenMom oh look - #LiesByTeenMom, she's going to quit smoking and she doesn't do drugs L-O-L. No questions about pregnancy, because duh.. she's had so many.
Jenelle is OH-So-Casual when she tells her mom thats shes pregnant, again. Thanks for the abortion fund, last month. Babs immediately cautions that if Nathan bails, she's not keeping the baby for Jenelle. Jenelle says she'll keep this one, then she leaves to rub it in Jace's face. Jenelle tells Jace that the baby is only an inch big, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't understand that he thinks the baby will come out of her an inch big. She then tells her first born that he stole all of her food. He doesn't care and shrugs off the allegations by saying, "I was so hungry". Oh Barbara, you're doing an alright job. He's adorable, and pretty smart, too. Can you get him to quit dropping F-bombs, though? Jenelle keeps pretending that Jace and this kid will have a close relationship. Remember last month when she borught Jace to her abortion? That was cute, too. Jenelle is having a boy and naming it Kaiser (WHY!?), but had it been a girl, her name would have been Lydia Marie. Barbara wishes should would pick a french middle name.......... crickets. crickets. Next, Jenelle proposes the name Leighton, like Blair Waldorf, Leighton Meester... Barbara cackles, "Hey LAY! Wanna go LAY down? Ha Ha Ha!"What. A. Mess!
Listening to Nathan read is like >>>>> HAHA! Oh shock of my life, Jenelle "didn't care" when she was pregnant for Jace. I can't wait for him to watch this back and hear that.  Now, they are bickering about how imperfect Jenelle finds Nathan. #TrueLove

Leah is still whining about her husband's absence. They show a clip that's probably supposed to make us feel for her, but its really just a clip from any mothers average day. Next, Leah takes the children to the wheelchair lesson/practice? I'm not sure what to call it. Ali is learning to get around in her wheelchair and part of the curriculum is chasing her sister in the parking lot. It's a cute scene. I have to ask, who tf is Grace? I would really like to see Leah get a full makeover - head to toe, wardrobe included. Wardrobe especially.
Leah is dropping her twins off to their dad and updating him on the wheelchair process. I'm with Corey, let's not push the wheelchair on a child who CAN walk. Leah and Coreys children simply cannot and will not stay in their car seats. This is a sad episode for car seats. Corey decides its time to begin spanking. Leah announces she's BEEN "wearing their butts out". Hmm.. Well.
Leah and her mom are having pizza together and gossiping about Ali in her wheelchair. Now, she's talking about the martial issues between herself and Jeremy. Unfortunately, Momma Dawn is not being the voice of reason, she's backing Leah on this "Don't go to work. Stay home, don't make money, and let me nag you all day" schtick. Leah, no one is on your side. These are the complaints of an immature, tunnel-visioned, child. Your husband is the best any of us can hope for.
Leah is on the phone crying to her newlywed friend and telling her that things have become DIRE, according to her, regarding her marriage. She's very emtional and shes speaking very poorly of her husband. OH SHIT- Jeremy dropped the big D. He said he'd file for divorce, but she wants counseling. She says he's changed and she didn't know he was like this... Maybe you'd know your husband better had you actually dated him, but you didn't. You moved in with him immediately, after meeting on Facebook and immediately got pregnant. Rush rush rush.


Next week:
Leah flirts with Corey, her ex-husband
Chelsea complains that Adam is parenting
Isaac meets his new brother
Jenelle makes excuses for Nathan getting another DUI?