Kailyn is getting ready to give birth and she's painting in the nursery. I'm sure Javi would like to tell her how unsafe that is for baby, but he can't get a word in with her bitching and bitching and bitching. She calls him a moron, but she's the one trying to tell a mexican how to paint. OMG-- can you not!? (Just kidding guys, calm down!)
Aaaaaand we're off! She's in labor. Javi is really supportive and sweet for all SIXTEEN HOURS of labor. I know lots of people go that long, but just thinking of it sounds exhausting. Kailyn gave birth to our 16th president during happy hour. I imagine a world where North West, Moses Martin, Lincoln Maraquin, and Mr. President Nida have a kindergarten photo together without Suri Cruise. Javi is really excited and supportive. It's cute. Isaac meets his brother and it's literally the cutest thing I've seen for weeks. He says that Lincoln is HIS baby, his hair is disgusting, and he holds him so lovingly. She's decided her mom can't stay at their house because she sent too many drunks texts while Kailyn was in labor.
Kailyn has a rent-a-friend over to discuss Isaacs transition from only child to big brother. Now, she is regaling us with the tale of 2 am drunk texts from Mother Dearest during labor. She says its a blessing in disguise, because she didn't need the stress in her home with a new baby while she recovers from labor. I agree. Is hell frozen over? Javi is a doting dad. It's super cute. After-birth is really Kailyns best look. She's tolerable.
Leah is dragging a highchair with one hand and holding a glass of wine cooler with the other. She got busted sexting with Corey. Jeremy has again mentioned divorce. Crying wolf. Poor Miranda. They agree to go to counseling -- against Jeremy's better judgement. By the way, their daughter is screaming through the whole scene.
So, despite her husband being incredibly uncomfortable with the amount of texting she and her ex husband have been doing, and the nature of said texts, Leah continues to text Corey and now they are meeting up to do a retrospective and discuss her and Jeremy's martial issues. Leah thinks she's an honest person. LOL (Hey Robbie) They both admit on national tv that they could have made their marriage work. Poor Miranda. I really like her, but her husband is being caught up in his ex-wives childish melodrama.
Leahs twins are at cheer practice -- super cute! Leah, Corey, and Jeremy all stand together watching cheer practice -- even cuter! I swear, people should study this family system. Aside from Leah's incessant whining, they are such a loving, caring family. They co-parent FLAWLESSLY! Divorce done right. Leah feels like the boys are on a team against her, divorce done TOO well? Uh-oh, trouble in WhoVille. Jeremy feels like things are so copasetic that Leah and Corey might still love each other. I think it's probably a small bump in the road and it's still incredibly preferable to ugly divorces where people scream and can't be in the same room together.
Leah feels like Jeremy doesn't express his love for her or concern for his family while he's working out of town. She feels less important that his job. She really wishes he would take an office job in town for a fraction of the pay, instead they're going to counseling. Leah is really an idiot. My better half works out of town. Every time he leaves I am sad. Every time he comes home I am elated. All of the time, I am thankful for the handwork and sacrifices he makes to support me.
Aubree is having some kind of preschool pageant and both of her parents are going to be there. Adam shows up, but of course his girlfriend and their child are there, too. Chelsea is uncomfortable. Aubree is adorable. The pageant is cute. Papa Randy is there taking photos!
Can anyone tell Chelsea, Meagan, and that girl from Total Divas apart? Chelsea says if she met Adam today, she wouldn't be interested. Oh, look at Adam, texting and driving and talking to his girlfriend about his baby momma. Whatever, I text and drive. I don't, however, get a million DUIs, so… HA!
Chelsea has a job, but she still needs to take her state board tests for licensure. She is preparing. Do I want her to give me microdermabrasion or a chemical peel? I am uncertain. I feel I deserve a discount, because when she discusses it, she mentions not being able to pass the GED for 5 years...
Chelsea is complaining about the new visitation schedule that the rest of America has been on for 15 years: every other weekend and a 2 weeks int he summer. She thinks it;s not fair because she also works, so her time with Aubree is limited. Welcome to co-parenting. She's not being too annoying about it, though... It's fine. Okay, whatshisface needs to get it together. He got caught sending other girls dick pics so his girlfriend made him change his number and now he can only inbox Chelsea. She can't have his number. Okay -- lets be clear: Facebook inboxing is waaaaaaaaaaay shadier than texting and calling. Way to be immature Adam Lind. What a fool.
Jenelle is almost 2 months pregnant, so... we shouldn't even know about her pregnancy, yet. She's taking Jace to karate because he likes to hit other kids. Be good or be good at it. Jace is really cute. I'm so happy he finally has a positive role model in his life!! He just said the words, "yes sir". A first! I'm sure it won't last. Jenelle can't commit to anything. She has to much SHE wants to do. She can't be bothered with parenting. As if!
Babs is asking why Nathan and Jenelle don't get jobs instead of playing videos games all day? Nathan alludes to fake "plans" for jobs and lists a million jobs he's allegedly had. I'm pretty sure he thinks this laundry list of odd jobs shows he's hard working, but it really just shows that he doesn't commit to anything. Personal trainer, model, marine, salesman, waiter, investor, fake jobs that don't exist. He's 24. He tells Barbara that Jenelles money is his money. She says, nooooooo sir! You aren't married. Her money is not your money. He runs out of the room. Jenelle makes excuses for him. Babs drops some truth bombs. Jace is in the shadows watching, listening, plotting his escape. Break the cycle, Jace! You can do it! Also, get out of those feet pajamas. I'm sweating for you.
Nathan got arrested for his 3rd DUI. He is SO arrogant and ignorant that he tells the cop to get off his personal property. He and Jenelle discuss how unprofessional the WHOLE police department is. They don't agree on the definition of the term "minimum". For the second time in their 2 month pregnancy, one of the parents may spend a considerable amount of time in jail. Classy.
Jenelle is excusing Nathans 3rd DUI. Barbara is asking peppered questions regarding the $4000 price tag for his arrest and clearly judging. Jenelle is indignant. Like, do NOT even bother me with this. I'm 21 ! I've had 5 pregnancies. I can't be held accountable for wether or not my boyfriend drives my car from here on out. OMG! Also, Jace is hungry, but Babs wants him to eat a cheeseburger. For some reason that makes him cry. Eat the cake, AnnaMae.
Next week is the 90 minute season finale of Teen Mom 2 Season 5:
Adams car is on fire
Someone-- one of Leahs kids? -- can't breathe
Kailyn is crying and it looks like Jo is living with a lady
Nathan asks Jenelle to get an abortion, I'm not sure why she's crying.
It would be her 3rd or 4th. Old hat.
Wow you are hilarious! Very refreshing!
ReplyDelete