Ugh.
I can't.
Ok, the first scene is Jo yet again interacting with his son. Kailyn is tasting wedding cakes then she's off to meet Javi who hands her the keys to the new house she is not yet allowed to buy. She says it's exciting. Javi is still in shock. Kailyn is ready to move ASAP, but first she needs to talk about Jo and how she's taking him to court for the 1400th time. Let's put this into perspective: Kailyn wanted to get rid of Jo Rivera so she told her new boyfriend Javi that he needed a great job WITH BENEFITS in order to marry her. He joined the army or air force or something at her behest, knowing he would be living on a base -- none of which were in state. Actually, she even left him a voicemail as he was taking the ASVAB saying that if he didn't get in and didnt get the benefits, they would not get married. We saw it happen last season. So anyway, he got in. They ran to a court house and got married in order for she and her son to get the military benefits. She got pregnant. He went to boot camp. She complained alot. Now, he's back and has to be at the base in another state 5 days a week, and she complains. She wants to move. Her sons father objects on the grounds of: "I am his father, not Javi. He isn't moving away from his father to be near some guy he met a year ago." Reasonable. They go to court. They are awaiting a decision from a judge. Reasonable. Javi and Kailyn have now purchased a home in another state in lieu of a decision from a judge. UNREASONABLE. So, if they judge tells them they cannot move the child, they will have to sell the house they literally JUST purchased.
Well, here they go moving... the new house is 2 hours away so Kailyn is turning her son into that astronaut from Florida: diapers all the way. no stopping! SIDE NOTE: Isn't it illegal for one parent to take the child across state lines without permission from the other parent? Like, a federal crime, right? PPPPPUH! They got it on tape. I hope they bust her ass. Do you think your child won't tell his father all about his new house and new room and new yard?
Kailyn is decorating Isaac's room. She is really proud of this branch mural with Isaacs name because she made it. Isaac hates it. I am laughing. Now, Kailyn is complaining about still having to go back and forth to Pennsylvania. Ummm, I thought moving was, like, not a big deal, at all? I thought a 2 hour drive was, like, MORE than reasonable 2 or 3 times a week? No? Oh. Hmm....
Leah has been home alone for a month now, because her husband is working. She is currently looking for a new home with room for horses and I don't even know what else. She definitely needs a home with handicap access. She is really bummed because her best friend had a quickie wedding and moved to Vegas. Now she is alone all of the time. She guilts her husband for working so hard to provide for the family. I understand her loneliness. Caring for 3 children under the age of 3 by yourself for weeks at a time must be stressful, but caring for those same 3 children with 1/4 of the income would be even more stressful--- especially with all of the medical bills and accommodations!
Leah is the only person on Teen Mom who has had the same friend to film with for the duration of the show. That friend is now "getting took away" to Vegas. Parenting tip: naps should be used as threats and punishment. Thanks Leah! I really feel badly for Leah. She's got tens of thousands of dollars in medical bills, she has a child who's condition is deteriorating, she is alone a lot, and now her only friend is leaving --- but I REALLY wish she would stop taking about it in front of the children. They fully understand the things you are saying.
Corey is visiting his dad. They are having coffee and chatting. I just love Corey. I live for him. He's a sweetheart. His father is adorable. I just want to do them a favor and burn the Affliction shirts and buy them more baseball caps. They are both slowly coming to grips with the grim reality of Ali's situation. Well, Corey's dad is coming around... Corey still seems like he's pretty deep in denial.
Oh, how sweet! Leah is taking Aleah to the nail salon for mommy-and-me day, because her sister gets so much one-on-one time. I think this is really thoughtful and sweet. It's nice that Leah realizes that her other daughters need attention and to feel special, too. I love this scene. STAMP OF APPROVAL!
When they get home, Leha says goodbye to her friend and they cry.
Jenelle takes Jace to his swim lessons. She posted photos from this day on twitter to prove that she sees her son. Now we know: it was part of the production schedule. Jace says he wants to stay with Jenelle instead of going home. Jenelle calls her mom and asks that Jace be able to sleepover and attend Nathan's football game. Ummm... why is a grown man/timeshare salesman/ underwear model/ marine having a football game? Is he on the Varsity team? Are there cheerleaders? Are they going to state?! I'm sorry, I am just going to call this guy what he is: a scam artist. He saw Jenelle's online profile, knew who she was, and went for it. He wants camera time. Big time. I'm done with him. He's completely disingenuous in every scene I've ever seen. I'm creeped out by him. Nathan is really inserting himself between Babs and Jenelle regarding custody. He is stirring a pot that is already boiling. He needs to stay out of it because he has only known them a few weeks, so he literally has NO frame of reference in regards to Jenelle's relationship with Jace--- unless he HAS been watching Teen Mom for the past few seasons, in which case, you'd think he'd know better than to lobby for her to win custody. OMG! He thinks Jenelle has "that structure a child needs". Now, they are affirming each other's parental instincts. Jenelle takes this to mean they should try for a baby. He grossly tells us that they practice everyday. Jenelle is like... no, but for real, we're doing this. Let's tell Barbara tomorrow. I know Nathan is making fun of Barbara by imitating her, but he should listen to the words coming out of his mouth, "Why are you going to have a baby with this guy? Why do you want to have another kid when you can't take care of your own kid? Makes no sense. You've known this guy for, like, 2 months."
Nathan, you just made all of the valid points necessary to condemn this idea... but you think they are funny. I think Nathan is unstable. I cannot stop laughing at their reasons and rationale. RED FLAG: If she mentions her HUSBAND while planning a baby with you, it's NOT THE RIGHT TIME. HAHAHAHAHA, I can't. I just can't deal with this. Thanks for being you, Jenelle. Barbara, I hope your house is still set up for an infant, because Jenelle will be dropping another one off before you know it, girl!
Jenelle wants to go back to school soon, so she KNOWS she's ready to have another baby. (ummm... WHAT?!) She's also really scared to tell her mom, so I know she is NOT ready. Nathan tells Barbara they are going to try for a baby. He tells Barbara that their connection is unnatural. That is a fine choice of words.
Nathan: Well, you're going to have to learn to trust your daughter with her child.
Babs: Well, ya a'course, but ya know, I'm the only mutha he's eva really known. Ya know?
Jenelle: Yeah, but I'm 22 and--
Babs: 21.
Jenelle: Yeah, I'm about to be 22 in less than 7 months
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Babs: You're an adult. If you have a baby, this is your problem. Not mine.
Jenelle is meeting up with Tori and her ketchup hair to tell her about the baby plans. Tori is SO inspirational. At some point during this show, she was a MESS! Now, she is the voice of reason in Jenelle Evans life. She isn't afraid to tell her that she is being crazy-- which she is. She is being totally manic. She just said, with a straight face, that Jace will be hands-on and protective of the new baby... He's 3. Tori is like, "No.... still not a good idea. Let's think this through. You just had an abortion because you didn't think parenthood was a good idea right now. You just met this guy. You have a court date coming up. You don't even know if you'll be heading to jail or not." Jenelles response FLOORED me: YEah but you do what you gotta do. You just deal with the consequences.
WHAAAAAAAAAAaAT?!?!?!??!?! Tori suggests that Jenelle put a little more thought into her life and choices. I suggest a 51/50 hold. Immediately. You, ma'am, get this week's TRAMP STAMP OF DISAPPOINTMENT!
Chelsea's daughter Aubree is at preschool while Chelsea goes to facial school. Then, she talks more about her birthday. She's super depressed because she's, like, OLD! She's 22! OMG! Like, when can she join AARP? She's also saaaaaaaaaaad because ADAAAAAAAAM is having a baby. So what does a depressed grandmother do? Skip school and go rollerblading in California shouting "BRADLEY COOPER! WHERE ARE YOU?!" I'd just like to point out that no teen mom, single mom, or student can just book 2 tickets to Cali and payroll a trip on a whim. MTV paychecks must be nice.
Chelsea and her friend left for Cali.
Chelsea is in California and she is rollerblading. P.S. she left her Louis Vuitton speedy bag at the skating rental hut while she skates into the sunset with Meagan.
Adam and his friends are filming a scene in a restaurant. The guys ask about the new baby and Aubree and Adam using the moment to trash Chelsea. It's a douchey scene. I can't even pretend to care because it's fake anyway.
Chelsea left Aubree with Papa Randy, not with her father. Hmmm. Ughhhh she talks in that ultra annoying baby voice to Aubree on the phone. I can't. I think Meagan should move to California. She fits in, she loves it, and she doesn't deserve to have to deal with Chelsea's whining or age complex 24/7.
So.... next week the original Teen Mom gang are giving hour long updates on their situations. Well, everyone except Maci, that is. I wonder why Maci Bookout didn't film an hour long update? I hope she isn't getting her own show. Hopefully, she has just decided to live her life off camera and to keep her son off camera. Cross your fingers! Meanwhile, Farrah wasn't shown in the same scene with her child, but she WAS shown deep throating phallic sucker and getting lip injections. Amber fights with Gary and then her daughter asks her how prison was. Catelynn and her boyfriend are going to talk about marriage: will they or wont they. Should be good.
NEXT WEEK ON TEEN MOM2:
Kailyn cries about court dates and Jo
Leah and Jeremy are experiencing tension in their marriage
Jenelle is pregnant
Adam puts his kid in the middle to tease Chelsea
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