We start off at Nene's rental. She's in her closet boutique, packing her bags and telling Greg to take her clothes off. Not as in "Undress me honey!", but as in, "If you stretch my shoes out, I'll kill you. For real." They discuss house rules and daddy daycare specifics.
Next, Kandi goes to Cynthia's house to discuss their mutually crazy moms. You'll remember that Cynthia's mom tried to stop her wedding by withholding her marriage license, mid-ceremony. Kandi cries what I can only imagine are million dollar tears and Cynthia threatens to jump off the balcony. Oh, they've given Joyce's gang a name, too: OLG! The Old Lady Gang. Hehehe! Cynthia says what we've all been screaming at the tv: Your mom is worried about money. You'll need to have several conversations with her and tell her to make room for passengers on the money-train, or she might have to ride coach from now on. If this doesn't happen, Todd will be jumping off (and taking his income with him). BLOOP!
Momma Joyce has stormed the offices of Phaedra Parks, esquire. She enters the office dressed head to toe in CAUTION yellow. Ayden has solidified himself as Bravo Baby of the Year by refusing to speak to her- even when bribed. #Shade Joyce begins drilling Phaedra for legal advice regarding prenuptial agreements and her favorite phrase, "in the manner I have become accustomed to". Eventually, Phaedra waltzed around the obvious answer: This is between Kandi and Todd. An unmedicated Joyce lashes out asking who Phaedra thinks she is, introduced two short people with big heads! She follows that up by saying she could cut Phaedras throat right now. No, she really said it. Her face was so serious. She even lowered her tone.
Hey, how is it possible that Joyce hasn't landed herself a parole officer, uhhh I mean a man?
Kenya wants to make fun of "little hick town" Savannah? Uhhh... Has she not actually seen Gone With The Wind? OMG she's trying to sing and dance AGAIN? (Tell your rent-a-friend to quit beating on the walls. You need that deposit back!) Every fucking scene this season. Like, bitch, we already dislike you. You're just trying for out and out hate? Oh she has a gun? Just kidding you crazy bitch. We're cool. (Can mental patients own guns?)
Porsha and her sister, err... "assistant", are going shoe shopping at She by Sheree. Porsha is trying to fit $7000.00 crystal gladiator heels, her sisters paycheck, and a stylist into her one year alimony allowance. #GENIUS She settles for a $3500.00 pair. By the way, she needed these shoes to go to Savannah. I hope she makes more than $3500/Epsiode or else she just worked for free. PLONK!
Kandi is having what is probably the first of MANY conversations with her mom about her psychosis. Joyce tries EVERY avenue she can think of and Kandi shuts down each argument, including pretending that Joyce and Carmen were joking at the bridal store. LOL! Kandi really shut down every single argument and makes me proud as hell. Eventually, Joyce says she's done with Kandis relationships... And she's done with KANDI! Kandi presses her, "Oh REALLY? You're done with me (and my money)?" Joyce realizes she's gone too far and tried to crawfish out of it. Hmm. DRAGGED!
Nene is at the clubhouse of her apartment complex. Greg is her dandy, handing out roses and feeding everyone cheese. Everyone is late and Kenya hypes it up into a BIG issue. I have to say, if you were unapologetically 3 hours late with no call... You'd arrive to an empty clubhouse. Girl, bye!
Eventually, everyone gets there and they all board the bus. Kenya begins lecturing everyone like children and demanding the second nicest room based on "merit". Hmm... Why wasn't the cast trip to whatever country on the continent of Africa where Kenyas boyfriend supposedly lives? Why isn't she ever on the phone with him? Never mentions him... She doesn't even acknowledge that he exists. Hehe! Anyway, I digress. Kandi can't take one more controlling lecture from a loser bitch. She snaps.
DON'T NOBODY GIVE A DAMN ABOUT WHAT THE FUCK YOU SAYING! SIT THAT SILICONE HOME DEPOT BOOTY ON SEVERAL SEATS IN THE BACK OF THE MOTHER FUCKING BUS AND DONT TRY ME AGAIN, YOU MONKEY WITH A WIG! I WILL WEAR THAT WIG RIGHT OFF YOUR HEAD! CARMEN WOULD BE SO HAPPY TO GET MY OLD WIG. TRY ME! TRASHBOX! AND WHILE WE'RE AT IT-- CLOSE YOUR LEGS TO MARRIED MEN KENYA!
(Or something very similar to that...)
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