Teen Mom 2 Season 4 Episode 3

This week on Teen Mom 2, Kailyn makes me want to eat acid.


We begin in the land of delusion, Kailyn is putting on makeup to drop her child off to his father (who she totally doesn't care about, y'all!) Then, why are you putting on make up? Liar! You're a liar, a cunt, and a sore loser, Kailyn Lowry! She whines that he has a family and she lives alone. Maybe you live alone because you whine so damn much, Kailyn! She complains that Jo has his girlfriend over when he has Isaac (How you doin', Javi?). Later we learn that Kailyn has spent 3 years and 9 credit hours in community college. Then, she yells at her friend about it. She's really grown and matured gotten angrier and more annoying through the course of this show. She and Jo will go to counseling. Javi will put his life on hold while she figures things out.

Leah is still talking like a baby ...and acting like one, too. 

Corey. Jeremy. Corey. Jeremy. Corey. Jeremy. Corey. Jeremy. Corey. Jeremy.

Leah is mainly afraid that Corey will "crush" her again. You remember the first time, right? He crushed her when he asked her to work things out... after she cheated on him days before their wedding. He's a real heartbreaker, that guy. Meanwhile, current husband, Jeremy, must REALLY enjoy that in every conversation in every scene this season, Leah says "I pick Corey". They should both ditch her ass. She and Corey will go to counseling. Jeremy will NOT put his life on hold while she figures things out. (Don't lie to me, Jeremy. I know how this ends...)

Ya betta put on ya antenners Juh-nell

Jenelle and Kieffer are about to get back together. Perfect! I've been missing this crazy train. This is right on target with what really happened and I hope the Gary-Keiffer courthouse chase scene will be on an episode soon. Jenelle goes to see Bawbruh and again, I'm excited! 

"I get off probation on Tuesday."
"Oh yeah. So what does that mean? Ya gunna stawt smokin weed again, Juh-nell?"
"Yeah, probably so."
"Juh-nell are you fa real or sumthin? Whatcha gunna say next? Ya gettin back togetha wiff keiffa?"
"Yeah, probably so. Why can't you give him a chance, Mom?"
"Because... (pause) I know him. Thats why! You know, ya betta putcha antenners on, Juh-nell."

For the life of me, I DO NOT understand how Jenelle's lawyer isn't hysterically laughing every time he meets with her. 

Outtakes during commercials: The job search has begun. Barbara is reading about a job listing that requires a "responsible and decent" applicant. Keiffer tells Babs he considers himself decent. She says she doesn't think he's going to get that job. Almost on cue, Jace farted on Keiffer and Babs can't control her laughter. Neither can I.

Keiffer meets Jenelle at a bus station to discuss tans and his muscles. I can tell he has just left the state of New Jersey. He actually kisses his biceps, rather than kiss Jenelle.

Chelsea is in hair school and still talking about her period. Great. Adam calls and I can't imagine why. I would only text her... for life. Her voice is so annoying. Immediately, Aubrey notices something is wrong because her mother is really mature and  understands boundaries. Chelsea asks her two year old for advice, "Why do I do this to myself?" 

Is this the face of a love-guru?

Her mom is encouraging her to text Adam. Personally, I wouldn't take advice from this woman. Chelsea's dad, Randy, a man who has given ADAM (and Chelsea for that matter) a second, third, fourth, and fifth chance... gave up on her. And her hair is feathered! Never trust a broad who has feathered her hair. Also, you should never trust a broad with feathers IN her hair. I'm looking at you entire cast of Teen Mom 2. Adam goes to eat wings after ditching Chelsea and his fathers (?) advice is to wave at Chelsea, rather than shoot her. Let's agree to disagree, sir.

Next week on Teen Mom 2:

Jenelle ...contemplates a boob job.

Chelsea is moving ...again. 

Kailyn annoys the fuck out of me. Again. By going to court. Again.

Leah cries about having created her own problems, again. Her men argue with each other about who is a better father figure. 

"You are. No YOU are. No, bro, YOU are. No, its totally you, bro."

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