Teen Mom 2 Season 4 Episode 6

PB&Jenelley doesn't give a shit

On this episode of Teen Mom, Kailyn is an oaf. Jenelle loves drugs. Barbara loves her boobs. Chelsea moves and cries.Leah wants to be married. Fast. No, I swear, its not a repeat! This is a new episode, y'all!

Jenelle and Gary are back together. He likes her boobs. Kieffer wants to see Jenelle and Gary gets intense. Then, he says, "The last thing I need to do is be sitting in a jail cell because we got in a fight in public." Foreshadowing. Wait: Gary and Kieffer are friends in real life. When does that happen? BawhBruh and her booooooooyfriend  are on their way to bring Jace to visit his mom and Gary. I guess Hooters is closed, so Mike had the time.
The best dinner conversations on Teen Mom 2 are about Jenelle's bewbs.

Barbara: "Are ya wearing one of those push up bras?"
Jenelle: "No mom, they're going to drop and get soft."
Barbara: "Juh-nell! They're haaaaaaad as a rock!"

Barabra: "Gary whaddya think about Juh-nells opparation ova there?"
Gary: "I love it! They're getting softer."

Jenelle: "Watch out for mommy's boobies!"
Barbara: "Whatchout ova theyuh Jace you might bounce across the room!"

Jenelle is babysitting her son. This actually isn't funny at all. Barbara never even gets out of the door and Jenelle needs to leave to get high. Babs starts crying because she sees the magnitude of their family's issues and Jenelle doesn't care. She ridicules her mom and suggests that taking care of her son full time is Barbaras responsibility, before she storms out. What an ungrateful bitch. I hope your crytal meth turns out to be actual glass and cuts your throat so you can never yell at my saintly Babs ever again! You slut pig! Later, Jenelle wakes up to find Gary is babysitting Jace. Apparently, Gary is a more responsible parent than Jace's parents.

Enough about Adam.

Chelsea is moving. Oh good, a new storyline. She and her voice want to move into a duplex so they can annoy neighbors through the walls. "Neeeeeeeeeeighboooooorssssss, why doesn't Aaaaaaaduuuuuuuum loooooooooveeeee meeeeeeeeeeeeeee? Waaaaaaaaaaaahnnnnnn"
Chelsea gives a client a tragic up-do and has to ask others in the salon when to stop with the hairspray because, "I always want to use a whole can". We know. Chelsea moves. Aubrey stays with her mom so things run smoothly. Chelsea understands the power of babysitters. She goes to dinner with a friend and Aubrey.

Friend: "So I heard that A-d-a-m has a girlfriend."  (Don't bother, girl. Aubrey knows EXACTLY who you're talking about. There are only three people on Earth, as far as she knows: Chelsea, Adam, and grandpa, who we yell at when we're annoyed.)

Chelsea: "He does?! OMG! We JUST hooked up! I didn't have birth control and we didn't use  a condom. Do you think I'm retarded for hooking up with him?"

Friend (and Aubrey): "Yes." 

Chelsea: "Shut up! I'm not pregnant its fine. They won't last. He'll come back. She's probably ugly. He better not introduce her to Aubrey. LOVE ME ADAM! LOVE ME! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LOVE ME!" 

Adam sends Chelsea a letter to sign. Its basically asking a judge to move their court case to whichever county they live in. Papa Randy thinks 2 things: 1) He MAY be considering taking Chelsea to court, 2) he has finally met someone who knows how to type. Chelsea thinks 1 thing: "Dad, aaaaaaadddduuuuuuuuummmm has a girlfriend! Waaaaaaaahnnnnn!"

OMG! Can we get married fast enough?!

Leahs children are getting in the way of her love making and Jeremy thinks they should throw the children out of the bed. Momma Dawn thinks the girls just need more coffee. Is it just me, or does this scene make it seem like Leah probably beats her daughters when the cameras are gone? One of the children starts irrationally screaming and crying. I am sure Leah just pinched her and whispered, "You stay out of my bed, you cockblock!" Leah and Jeremy are signing papers for a loan and my immediate suggestion is that she invest in a babysitter! Quickly! She's clearly in need of a mommy break. Don't feel guilty, girl. This kind of parental fatigue is normal when you have 4 pregnancies by age 20. Imagine the hormones. Yikes.
Leah and Corey discuss Ali's leg rehab and are good at co-parenting. That's nice.
The bank tells Leah that they cant get a loan together because they aren't married yet. Leah can't wait that long because her marriages don't last that long because she's madly in love and fools rush in. To the courthouse, then the bank.

Kails sorry. Sorry like Chris Brown

Kailyn wants the dogs in the backyard because her friends are coming over. Javi tells her this isn't possible because there is a hole in the fence. (Side note, Bear is an obnoxious name for a dog. "Bear, Bear, Bear, Bear, Bear, Bear." Please let Bear run away and change her name.) Rather than locking the dog in their bedroom while guests are over, Kail punches Javi in the face, which seems logical to me. Everyone knows face-punching gets results. Then, Kailyn leaves her company downstairs to listen to her scream, cry, beg, and excuse her behavior. "It was the heat of the moment! You know I have a temper!" Thank God Kail's friend is on hand to babysit while she cries in front of the children. Now, she's nervous he may not come home so she does the most logical thing, she invites friends over to tell them he is over reacting. GOD! He's such a puss.
They stay together.

On the next epsiode:
-Gary proposes to Jenelle
-Jeremy and Leah get married
-Javi and Kailyn decide to get married in Vegas
-Chelsea cries about Adam.

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