Teen Mom 2 Season 4 Episode 9

On this episode of Teen Mom 2: no one takes responsibility for any life decisions and viewers everywhere pull their hair out.

Kailyn starts off by putting the weight of the world on her boyfriend. No, she didn't hold him down and sit on him... she called him during a test and left the following voicemail:

"If you don't pass, we wont get married, you'll let the family down, and no matter what, you're picking up the dog shit. No pressure! Haha okay, love you, 'bye." 

I wish I could be married to Kailyn. She's just so supportive and fun to be around. Said no one. Ever. Maybe Javi needs a green card. I can't believe they are having a baby together. She's going to get so fat and bitchy. Kailyn is making it super obvious that she really hopes she can move out of state and take Isaac from his father. Kailyn sucks. I hate her. She just congratulated her boyfriend by pretending to choke and shake him. Thats a cute joke, two weeks after you punched him in the face. She tells Javi she wants him to propose because she has already planned out their wedding. He is an obediant dog, unlike Bear, and proposes next week.

Chelsea has mono. She doesn't know much about it and she assures her friend that the kids at the day care have all already had it. Nope. I wonder if she got mono from Adam. Unlikely. He's still not interested with his new girlfriend. Chelsea is moving. Again.  She wants to take a leave from school because she's falling behind. Again. We should make this a drinking game. I'd say every time she says "Adam" we shoot Jameson, but we'd die of alcohol poisoning. As it turns out, Chelsea only attends 56% of the time anyway, and she currently has a 60 "F". Her advisor says maybe its for the best...


Leah is pretty sneaky, but she isn't that smart because she just bit the hand that feeds her. Leah, if you ever read this, let me educate you:

The $300 extra child support obligation may have been proposed by your lawyer, but it certainly was not decided by your lawyer. Your lawyer works for YOU. She does what YOU tell her to do. She presents you with options and advice, then you decide what moves you want to make. So in all truth, it was you, LEAH who decided to go after Corey for more child support. 

Mmm. Girl. Everybody knows you should never show a man your cards. Corey used to be your safety net. Now that Jeremy was laid off from his $16,000/month job, where will she run for money? The girls really look like Momma Dawn. Leah dropped a bomb on her mother: I have been talking to my biological dad and I think I'd rather he walk me down the aisle rather than the man who raised me since kindergarten. Leah REALLY deals with this dilemma every day of her life. I have a man who loves me and is here for me... but what else is out there? The rest of the episode is really just about Leah discussing having her bio-dad walk her down the aisle. Hidden gem: "Dad, you didn't make it to my last wedding, and it really bothered me. So hopefully you can make it to this one." Fear not. Leah, he will have PLENTY of chances to walk you down the aisle.

Jenelle is still slumming it with Kieffer. She and her friend Tori put on their hand-me-downs from the cast of "The Simple Life" and go to a bar & grill to talk about the Gary fight. Later, she meets up with her lawyer Dustin, esquire. This guy isn't very eloquent. That would worry me as a client, but I digress. Please, cut to the courthouse chase scene! Babs comes over to discuss the court case and she is a WORLD of laughter:

Jenelle: Hey Jace! What did you do today?
Babs: We went tuh thuh beach! Tell mawm awl about it.
Jace: BEEEEEEEEACH! *throws himself on the ground*
Babs: Don't worr-rey about him. He does that.

Later, Keiffer enters the room...

Babs: Oh. Hi Keefuh...Well, I hope that, yuh know, youse are plannin on stayin outta trouble, theyuh.
Keefs: I have no pending charges at this time. (and he has his GED)
Babs: You got ya GED? What did you... you got that in jail?! Hah! Good fuh you, Keefuh. Awlright, well lets see youse on tha straight and narrow and nawt gettin into trouble theyuh
Keefs: I feel like this was a good talk. We should have group hug
Babs: No. I don't think so.
Keefs: Yeah, get in here Barbara.
Babs: What, are you ...into yo-guh now? 

Yes! We're at the courthouse. Hehe, Jenelle is dressed like a prostitute. Kieffer thinks that they should go in the woods and fight. Either they played down the situation in editing or they played it up in the initial reports. According to the choppy editing of the show, Kieffer and  Jenelle are waiting on the side walk in hopes of running into Gary. Gary walks out in uniform (and hes walking pretty quickly, I have to say). Kieffer yells an obscenity and walks after him. Gary speeds off in a beemer.

Barbara calls Jenelle and Kieffers voice says, "Hi, you've reached Jenelle... and Kiefers phone is broken so you've reached him too... so leave a message." Barbara is unimpressed: "What the hell is this? If he's at ya house and using ya gawddamn phone and ya gawddamned kah then he should pay ya gawddamned insurance Juh-nell." (Barbara really knows how to evenly dole out responsibility. She and Jenelle are truly partners in co-parenting Jace.) 

Jenelle and Kieffer are discussing the court incident. Kieffer offers the following explanations for his immature behavior and for not "taking Gary in the woods to fight":

• I was mad that he walked right by me like he didn't see me
• I was REALLY mad that he scooped you up right from under me when I was in jail
• What he did to Jenelle made him mad
• I chased after him and he walked FASTER that made me mad

but I didn't act on it because...

• It would take 6 grown men to hold me back
• He was too far away
• I tried and tried and tried hard not to... that was what happened.

Next week:

-Javi is a good servant and does as he's told. Proposal.

-Chelsea has taken time off school because she has mono is turning 21. Shots shots shots!

-Barbara confronts jenelle: You only see the baby every 3 weeks.

Mom, you only let me see him on Saturdays. There is only one Saturday every 3 weeks.

-The US Weekly Leah&Jeremy wedding happens.