RHOA All In A Days's Twerk... for a single black Kenya

Nene cannot be bothered to clean her house. Gregg continues to be adorable. A man died and it has interrupted Nene's life. C'est la vie.

Cynthia is having surgery in a full weave and she is a little nervous because they mentioned a will and wanted to check on her vaginal grooming habits. We now know how Cynthia styles all the hair she owns. Peter is napping in the waiting area.

Porsha and her mom are in the kitchen when all of Porsha and Kordells marriage shows up in a moving truck. Side note- Porsha looks great. Oh, Kordell can't spell and Porsha's sister is wearing her shady boots. Apparently, Kordell thought Porsha was a Barbie doll. Also, Kordell apparently thinks Barbie wears granny mules. Porsha originally thought Kordell was a metrosexual, but now that she sees how she cut up her wedding corset, she knows he's a queen. That means he's gay. Woman to woman, she's saying he's a homosexual. Do y'all get it yet? Every episode she hints at it. We don't say ...that he's gay, BUT NOW WE'VE SAID IT. #CamillieGrammerComeBackToME

Kenya is back at the house she was not evicted from by the landlord she never had after she moved to Atlanta to be closer to Walter who is a gay, tow-truck driving, stalker. So, her friend really just asked if she's sure she doesn't want to renew her lease... Umm... Is dementia contagious? Oh, it's a "crazy house" now. Maybe she should stay. Kenya really wanted "Don't come for me unless I send for you, fan moment" to be a thing. Remember when Kenya put out a song called "Gone With The Wind Ridiculous"? Well, at least that had autotune. Now, she's "twerking" on a piano. Miley Cyrus' butt moves more than Kenya's. That's a read. Oh, wait! Kenya is moving because her lease is up. That means when she signed the lease this date was given as a move-out date. Somehow, she is beign forced to move into a hotel. That tells me that Krazy Kenya is lying about her eviction and her friend Conya. Oh wait, don't call Conya a friend. Kenya is pretty sure she has to move into a hotel, because Conya tried to sit at her table in the cafeteria, but it was Wednesday and she was NOT wearing pink. YOU CANT SIT WITH US! I bet that was the reason..

Phaedra has lost her mind. We all know your child's name is NOT really Mr. President. His name is Dylan. You are are not little black angels. Don't yell at the help. If you want it done a specific way, do it yourself. If you are in a bad mood, don't take it out on your baby nurse. Also, please dress for your body type. Poor Apollo is growing very weary of his hormonal, crazy, wife. Now, I AM a Phaedra fan... but she's putting it on thick. Your breastmilk does not need to be referred to as CHOCOLATE milk. We get that you are black.  We can see you. Also, please don't purr the words CHOCOLATE MILK MMMMMM. Gross. It's not sexy Phaedra. It's your child's dinner. You are not tolerating everyone around you. They are tolerating you. Please come back to reality. Thanks.
Ok, Aiden is the MOST adorable child on television. I just love him. He's very smart, too.

Kandi is my favorite. She is very real. Her daughter is outside doing chores. Kandi goes out to help her daughter and to have  heart to heart and gauge her daughters feelings about the ever increasing family rift between Kandi and Momma Joyce. The conversation is sweet, appropriate, and I think they really communicate well together. Oops, Momma Joyce has been busted trying to turn the child away from her momma. PLONK. You know, for a pre-teen, Riley is a very smart, well-spoken young girl. She is absolutely right when she tells her mom:

"When you guys get married tell her hey we're married mommy. Theres nothign you can do now. You need to be nice to Todd and if you can't be nice, you can't hang around as much. Todd is your husband. You guys have to stick together to the end."

Cynthia is out of surgery and is recovering at home with the smallest cup of soup I've ever seen. Aww, her mom is there to take care of her! Selfish Peter can't deal with this, so he is leaving, but first Cynthia thanks him for being supportive (?) and Peter tells her to feel better so she can ride him like a roller-coaster. Not doing so is classified as husband abuse. Hmm. Judging you, Peter. If you wanna take Cynthia on a roller-coaster ride, show her your finance statements more often. Oh, good, Cynthia is putting her foot down. NOT. Cynthia says if they had more money she'd be his sex slave. Oh vengeance is sweet, Cynthia burped in Peter's mouth.

Kandi is at Porsha's moms to check up on her. They have a great heart-to-camera recap, but I can tell it's a little real for Porsha. Getting this all out is probably very therapeutic. Kandi is very understanding and is there for Porsha even hugging her when she begins to cry. I hope this is a real friendship. I like them together, they are like sisters bonding. I like Kandi's dress, by the way.  Also, the Bedroom Kandi swags that Porsha received in Vegas last year is in the bags. Kordell has stolen the kegle balls and kept them for himself. He really stole Porsha's balls. That's the only part of her he wanted to keep... because he's gay. GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY (according to Porsha). He's gay and he finally has a pair of balls. So there!

Kenya is wearing this wedding dress she says she miraculously FOUND and it MUST be her landlords, and by the way it's hideous and was shoved in a box. She is so single white female righ tnow it's ridiculous. Now, shes beating on the walls and yelling IM STILL HERE! IM STIL HERE! IM STILL HERE! I have to wonder if she's trying to send the Bravo viewers a message, if she's speaking to Walter through the TV, or if she really thinks that her landlord did not throw her out and that she still lives there. Aren't you walking out the door RIGHT now? Ok. Please, quit singing. This is not a musical. We don't need a song and dance to illustrate each scene you are in. Actually, we just need less scenes from you, period. Thanks. #WHEREISNENE?


BTW- Does anyone actually believe that Conya didn't know her wedding dress was in her rental house? Or that Kenya accidentally ended up in it? She definitely bought that or rented it for herself, because she's crazy and obsessed.

Oh, ok, Conya showed up at the very last moment with the cops. Conya said you were supposed to be out at 3, Kenya says it should be 5, the cops said get a move on. Conya's description of Kenya to the police is actually pretty accurate with very little shade. Hmm. OK-- Lets be CLEAR: Conya was NOT there just to kick Kenya out. She was there because Bravo was not allowed to film on her property. This is why the operator says "Do you want THEM escorted off the property?" This is why Conya can be heard saying to a camera man, not Kenya, "Get out! This is a court order". Also, you cannot SELL stories to blog magazines, mainly because blogs are not magazines. I AM going to need Conya to get a real name, though. Okay. Bye.

I'm exhausted.