RHOA: Bye Bye With the Wind

Meanwhile, back in HaterVille...

Nene and Greg are married and Nene lost her job on the New Normal. Maybe they can pawn the $7,200.00 Hermes plate Teresa Guidice gifted them. (I'd have NEVER shown that on tv for fear of it being seized by the IRS. Mmm, unless Nene just wanted to highlight the Guidice's poor financial planning. ShadeByBravo). There's some discussion about Kordell dumping Porsha.

Porsha and her sister are headed to the attorney's office to discuss her upcoming deposition for the divorce. Porsha still hopes to work out the marriage with a honey-do list, but I'm more than certain she'll feel differently after he leaves her on the front porch... Hehe, he was apparently too scared to tell her he filed for divorce. She found out on twitter, like a punk.

Porsha's Honey-Do Marriage Rehab List:

1. - Be open and honest with me
2. - Let me have a career AND a baby
3. - Individual and Couples Counseling
4. -No other women in the house
5. -No camping on the porch
6. -You better @ me, bitch

Cynthia is moving the Bailey Agency nearer to Peter's failing bar, Bar One. They move into a building called Industry Studios. He bought it with her money and didn't tell her. Now, she's going to move into it and pay him rent? Uhhhh.... Okay. Oh, look what the wind blew in --- it's Kenya Moore, y'all! EVERYBODY KNOWS in Atlanta, Moore is less. She's been in Africa for several months and has spoken to none of her cast mates, apparently. Now, she's shown up to receive an invite. Cynthia is having a grand opening of her new "space" and producers want ALL the cast there. Meanwhile, Kenya is lying so hard about her eviction. Kenya is upset that none of the cast members reached out to her during her "time of need". We don't care. Oooh - juicy, Kenya is mad at Nene for "parading Walter around". She invited HIM to the wedding, but not HER. Interesting move Neenster. Are you "coming for Kenya" this season? Kenya wants to be a victim. She's already exhausting. No one gives a shit. Side note: I wish Kenya would get a face peel.

Phaedra and Apollo have moved to Buckhead, Georgia. She touts it as the 90210 of Atlanta. She REALLY refers to her son as "Mr. President". It's off-putting and I'm very uncomfortable. Oh, she checked for his ding-a-ling when he was born. Phaedra is stretched too thin and I see Apollo being left alone a lot. Two kids, school, exams, embalming dead bodies, and baby piano appointments. No Apollo appointments. I've just had an epiphany. He called and escort service to ease the lonely nights and they sent Kenya. This is where all of the confusion will come in. SOLVED IT!  I LOVE that everything she says, Bravo has spliced together video to contradict her. ShadyBoots! Why are Phaedra's boobs so short? That sounds funny to say, but if you look at her cleavage you'll see what I mean. Hmm...


Kandi is making Todd some grits and her talking head announces they are officially engaged. Kandi's hair is making me want a Big Mac. She's still mad about Marlo calling her a sugar mama and mentions No Scrubs. I love that. Kandi says that Mama Joyce doesn't delight in the upcoming nuptials between Kandi and Todd. Meeeerp. Mama Joyce is a hater from waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in Kandi's first season. I see Kandi holding a bottle of OJ and I'm wondering if she likes pulp. I've recently discovered I'm one of the few who hate pulp. I digress. Todd thinks Kandi convinced Porsha to get a divorce? Umm... I guess Todd can't be bothered to read gossip, because thats not real.

Porsha and Nene are talking about how much fun they had dancing at the reception. Ooooooooh, Kenya didn't RSVP, send condolences, or come to the wedding and Nene doesn't give a shiiiiiiiit. She DID tweet her congratulations to Nene... but EVERYBODY KNOWS you don't congratulate the bride. It's in poor taste. You congratulate the groom on winning such a beautiful bride and you wish the bride well in her new marriage. MarlosEtiquetteBook

Porsha is discussing her divorce deposition. Kordell said , "Porsha wasn't home by a certain time so I locked her out". Pfft, way to sound like a real dickhead, Kordell. Aww, Porsha is crying because she thinks Kordell filed for divorce on a whim and without any real thought. She, apparently, entered into this marriage "the right way", whatever that means. Her mother thinks that Kordell distanced himself after the miscarriage because her husband wasn't at the hospital with her. She thinks maybe Porsha was just part of an image Kordell wanted to project. Well, until Kordell speaks about his reasons I won't make any judgments. They discuss the gay rumors. Porsha vows to rise from the ashes as a beautiful Phoenix.

The Bailey Agency party is already juicy. TWO THIRDS of Cynthia's mortgage are invested in Industry Studios. Peter took 2/3 of the mortgage and spent it on an investment, something he is historically TERRIBLE at doing, and never said a word to Cynthia. Ahhhh hahahaha I cannot even imagine. Mmm hmmm here comes Kenya and she's brought a guest. The ever present chip on her shoulder is with her. Oh, Nene plans to totally ignore Kenya. I need to know what REALLY happened between them. So not one of the ladies want speak to Kenya. Plonk. Oh, here goes Kenya boo-hooing about Nene not reaching out to her. Nene puts the kabosh on it and says that she was busy planning a wedding and it was Kenya who was not supportive. Suddenly, she needs to pee and Kenya chases after her with a wine glass offering it as a receptacle. Kenya wants to pick a bone over Walter's invite and --- no one gives a shit. Nene reads her left, right, and up the middle. Oh God, can we get past Gone With The Wind yet?

A parting shot: standing alone in a white hallway in a white crop top holding a glass of white wine is Kenya Moore. Inching away from her, walking backwards, hands in the air like a hostage is Greg Leakes. Kenya makes a futile effort to yell "GO TO HELL, NENE" but she is already gone with the wind fabulous ... and so is Walter. HAHAHA. Girl, bye!