RHOA Too Late to Apollo-gize (Ridiculous Title)

Kenya is stressed out about finding a new place, so she's working out. By working out, she means TWIRLING with her legs up in the air, upside down and screaming "I'm Gone With The Wind"... I'm Tired Of Hearing THAT! The site of her fix-a-flat butt at this angle is disgusting. Kandi shows up and she wants to know more about the Apollo/Kenya texting scandal. Kenya says, in a talking head, that Todd is probably at home texting another woman. "LOL thanks babe" is inappropriate. Kenya doesn't care because in none of these texts does she offer Apollo fellatio. OOOP!! Kandi just read Kenya up down left right and straight down the center. "You're always a victim. You need to look in the mirror!" PLONK!

Porsha is about to tell us how gay her husband is. She wants to be a robot, go through the motions, and fake it 'til she makes it, while wearing her therapy fedora. HAHA! The therapist isn't sure if Kordell was Porsha's husband or her father. She warns her, "You don't sleep with your father". Porsha still isn't sure what she should have done diffrently, but the therapist assures her "You could have done backflips". Noted. I will show my partner, Andryw, my backflips ASAP. Porsha's doctor told her she was supposed to be pregnant which is funny, because Kordell didn't do the stuff he needed to do to impregnate her (BECAUSE HES GAY! GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY! We get it, girlie)

Nene doesn't believe Cynthia is sick because she has eyebrows on. Their visit is fun and I believe they are real friends. Kandi is calling! Telephone Tell-A-Friend. Cynthia really eats the smallest portions of soup. The ladies decide to throw Porsha some kind of divorce party.... aaaaaaaaand scene. Bye Nene!

Kandi and Phaedra are having frozen yogurt. Phaedras schedule is:

• Babies
• Dead People
• and Study Group

She has no time for Kandi, us, practicing law, or Apollo. That's okay, Phaedra, Kenya is taking care of your husband. Things are still rough between Mama Joyce and Kandi&Todd. Kandi is bringing up the meeting with Kenya and her whorish tendencies. Phaedra claims that Apollo checked out of the Beverly Wilshire in Beverly Hills because Kenya kept going to his room.
Questions a lawyer should ask:

• A) Why was Apollo in Beverly Hills?
• B) How did Kenya know what room he was staying in?
• C) She KEPT going to his room? No. If a woman went to MY husbands room, once would be enough. She'd get a big ole door to the face. BYE FELICIA!

Questions Phaedra DID ask:

Is this the Waffle House? There are a lot of old ass scrambled eggs around here. 

Back at Cynthia's house, Noel needs her moms credit card to buy books for summer reading, but Cynthia uses it as blackmail to get info on Noels first boyfriend, Arthur. Cynthia wants to make sure her daughter is comfortable talking to her about boys. There is no hand guide but here is a tip: National TV is not the place to force your daughter to admit how far she's gone with a boy. 

All of the ladies, except Kenya (DUH!), are getting together at a mexican restaurant to cheer Porsha up about her divorce. FORGET KORDELL! WE HAVE TAQUITOS! Note to Porsha: These are not your "close friends". Oh good, Porsha is going to tell us AGAIN that Kordell didn't give her money and was a bad sugar daddy. Nene is the right kind of bitch. She said she would be running from him all over town using his credit card. Nene Gone Wild. WHOA! Time out. Porsha, your mom and sister weren't allowed at the house? Ummm.... Let's cut him. 

Nene is saying "ghetto" a thousand times and now we know why... SHADE. She's at Kenya's new tiny little 450sq ft apartment. I can tell she makes million dollar films. Oh, she's being spoiled by a Nigerian prince. We don't believe you. Kenya likes to do gymnastics in bed. 

Mirror mirror on the wall, whos the shadiest bitch of all? Nene.

Nene intentionally brought Kenya to view a home, gassed her up about it, and then laughed her ass off when Kenya realized she can not afford it. Ploop! There you go, Kenya, someone filmed a scene with you.

Phaedra and Apollo are at dinner and he mentions that he really needs some attention. Phaedra says "no, I'm busy". Juicy! Phaedra was subpoena'd by Conya in the defamation suit with Kenya. 

 Phaedra jumps right into it saying, "Don't text my friends". 

Kenya is not your friend.

Apollo: "I'm a grown man. You aren't my momma." 

Phaedra: "Don't do that again"

Apollo: "Enough with your threats". 

That didn't seem like a threat. Are we sure this man went to prison?

Apollo is pretty resolute that he did nothing wrong. The rest of the world disagrees. I was THIS close to being in your corner this season Apollo.... I officially agree with all the freezing out Phaedra is doing. This is hard to watch and I can't really find anything funny about it. Apollo claims he could have slept with Kenya, but that he did not. Phaedra feels like she's on a date from Hell. Apollo ran into Kenya at a party in LA and she followed him back to the hotel. Apollo doesn't understand why Phaedra is pissed off. I think she's HURT. Apollo may not have done anything with Kenya, but he's very insensitive. He's pretty clueless as far as marriage goes. Rule Number One: Have your husband/wife's back 100% of the time. Every single day.... for life.