RHOA The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

The Mis-Education of MOnique Smith 

RHOA Savan-NO

The Ladies of Atlanta are leaving the gates and heading to the beaches of Gone With the Wind Savannah, GA! Who doesn't love a girls trip? It's a middle-aged spring break and they have rented the Girls Gone Wild bus. This is the very same bus that Bravo rents for any tension-filled trip. I am excited!

January 21st

SEASON 5 PREVIEW

RHOA The Old Lady and Her Shoes... and Kandi's Used Hair

Tonight, I'm going to try something different! Rather than being cynical and hating most of the women on RHOA, I will write this recap from a glass-half-full perspective. I will believe the best in each woman and write about her as though I've just taken a hand full of Xanex. (I know, I'm pretty genius).

RHOA Save The Drama For Mama

Jenelle Evans... Another One Bites the Dust?

After an unprecedented length of time in a relationship, Jenelle Evans might be breaking up with Nathan whatshisname. Does anyone have more info on this? I haven't heard ANYTHING about her in a very long time. This is probably a good thing, for her, because it implies there have been no court dates, arrest warrants, probation violations, rehab visits, etc. Dare I say, Nathan might be a good fit for Jenelle. No. It's probably just because she's low on Teen Mom money...

Please comment if you have any info regarding this act of betrayal Jenelle is alluding to or any interesting info regarding miss Evans. Let's be honest, she's far more interesting than ANY of these annoying housewives. I'm kind of over them... 

RHOBH Irked At Cirque

Lisa Vanderpump in Killer's Moon
Who's the famous actress now, Kim Richards?

RHOA Too Late to Apollo-gize (Ridiculous Title)

RHOBH Live's A Witch

HEY, JAKE CIBRIAN, I SAW YOUR MOM ON TV LAST NIGHT!

RHOA All In A Days's Twerk... for a single black Kenya

RHOA Girl Code Breakers

Here's the long and the short (wig) of it...

RHOA: Bye Bye With the Wind

Meanwhile, back in HaterVille...

RHOA All the Preseason Tea....

Halloween Treats from Our Favorite Tricks!

Well, Keiffuh, that's real nice theyuh! Ya back in the slamma!

Keiffers latest mugshot

Teen Mom3

Ok, TM3 premieres tonight and I was THINKING about blogging a recap-- then I realized its 2 hours. I don't have the energy or interest to invest 2 hours into another set of no bodies. 

Please post a comment if you watch and feel I'm missing out. 

Court, arrests, drugs, etc. Yawn.

Well Jenelle....

The many engagements of Jenelle Evans

Our girl Jenelle knows how to secure a ring, y'all! Thirsty bitches, take notes.

 

While on a date with a boy named Jared, Jenelle shared the story of her engagement ring from Andrew, Her son's father. 

This is how the conversation went down. (This transcript is from Starcasm)

Jenelle: One time I was cutting a piece of bread and I cut right through onto my – see that diagonal spot right there on my finger? Yeah, and I had to get stitches.

Jared: (nods) I cut into my shin with a chainsaw one time.

Jenelle: One thing you have to know about me, I love bread and butter.

Jared: Yeah. I’m glad I get to take you out somewhere like this’

Jenelle: Yeah, when I dated Andrew he never toook me out. He, when I first met him, the first Valentine’s Day, he got me this ring. I only keep this ring because I like it! (laughs) Not because of him. So then, um, he got me this with earrings and a necklace to match with it, and that was like $600. But after that, he didn’t get me nothing. He had money from modeling because he used to model in New York, but he spent all 7, no $14,000 on alcohol. Yeah. It’s sad.

Jared: Yeah, that is really sad.

Jenelle: Well when I axed him to buy me like a lip ring or something, he said, “No. I don’t have the money.” You see, Andrew he’s – well see, I have no trouble with like just sitting down and chilling, but he sat in his room in his house every day all day watching TV, staring at the television all day every day, from morning til night. That’s all he did – didn’t work or nothing – that’s it. And evry time I’d go over there that’s all we would do, watch TV. It wasn’t that interesting.

Jenelle: I have to be home by eight because Jace, I have to go watch him.

Well, Jenelle... That wasn't yuh best date theyuh. These two did not get engaged and obviously the gift from Andrew was just another case of "The Ring Didn't Mean a Thing" (I see you Kim Z!)

Next, she secured the ring from ole' Kieffycakes. I'm fuzzy on the story of how that ring came to be. I am sure with all of the drugs and fights and arrests, they are fuzzy on this subject, also. 

The whole world saw Gary Head propose to Jenelle: 

Jenelle: I love you because your big ears are sticking out like that all the time!
Gary: I don't care leave my big ears alone
Jenelle: Dumbo, fly away
Gary: I need to talk to you. I know we had some trust issues, but we're pretty much over it.
Jenelle: Yeah, now that Kieffer is gone. Kieffer... Kieffer... Kieffer....
Gary: I guess, I'm asking you, will you marry me?

Jenelle calls Barbara to tell her the big news. Babs tells Jenelle that her only reservation is the amount of fighting they do. Jenelle tells her to chillax because things are going well ...today.

Babs: Well, Juh-nell, what was the proposal?
Jenelle: He came in my room and got down on one knee. It wasn't special 
Babs: Aw well thats real rowmantic Juh-nell
Jenelle: He probably should have planned it out better, but he was excited
Babs: Well, ya know, he helps me a lot wiff Jace theyuh, so I'm awl in.
Jenelle: Ok, well I'm going get my hair done.

Finally, there was the quickie engagement and subsequent marriage to Courtland "it's not my heroin" Rogers. Jenelle told us all about it on Facebook: 

“So Courtland goes inside Zales in the mall. I was in the food court eating. I was getting pissed and stressed he was meeting up with some other girl and come to find out we leave the mall and get in the car and he pulls out this!!! He stated ‘Diamonds lasts forever and go hard or go home.’ So now I have a white gold 1.5 karat diamond ring for simply being his girlfriend. I love u so fucking much, u mean everything to me. ♥ I'm not even his fiancé, best gift EVER! Thanks gorgeous!!”

Not his fiancée? Then, how prey-tell did this non-engagement turn into a failed marriage? 

She gave him a ride to court for his felony charges. They took a wrong turn and somehow ended up with a marriage license. Whaaaat? Jenelle then announced to twitter that she has a little message for her new husbands old girl (and the mother of his child): Fuck you Taylor! He's MY husband. You just have his baby. GTFO!

What? No honeymoon? Then,

Courtland publicly tweeted Taylor something about their child and Jenelle immediately notified all of her twitter followers that they were divorcing because he is sneaky! Courtland then asked the world -"Why does everyone think we're getting a divorce? I love my wife!" 

Several break ups and make ups later, they both went to jail for domestic abuse and heroin. The state law requires they remain married for a period of one year before filing for divorce so expect that around December because....

SURPRISE! Jenelle and Sgt. Steel Abs are not-quite engaged. 

Do you think they'll make it down the aisle? How long do you give it?

Updated: Catching Up with the Life of Jenelle Evans

We haven't heard much about Jenelle Evans since she was arrested for domestic abuse and heroin back in April. She's been pretty quiet lately, but nonetheless still pretty busy driving the hot mess train full speed ahead. 

In June, she bought a home in South Carolina (you know, no where near her son) with her surprisingly super hot boyfriend, Nathan Griffith. The world held their breath waiting for the foreclosure notice. 

Another marine? Jenelle craves discipline and structure. 

       He's also an underwear model. 

Then, that didn't quite pan out. Here's the news we've been waiting for: she had to give up the home ownership before the ink was dry because the neighborhood does NOT allow filming! Teen Mom 2 is coming back for season 5, y'all! Bring on the hot messes. 

Jenelle also had an emergency appendectomy. (Is there any other kind?) Many people believed that she was actually in the hospital for a heroin overdose so she had her boyfriend, Nathan McHotty tweet a sketchy photo of her recovery... 

I call it sketchy because many people said that there were stitches not staples, bandages were in the wrong places, who knows? I'm no medical expert and I do not care enough to google this. Someone leave a comment and tell me if this looks like an appendectomy. 

Because its Jenelle Evans and not a normal person with a fully functioning brain and tact or class, she responded to the haters by removing the bandages and tweeting a second photo. Thanks for that. 

The next order of business was to answer her cyber stalking charges in court. Gary Head claims that Jenelle had been cyber stalking him and they were going to face off in court, but he could not be bothered to show up so the state could not prosecute and the case was dismissed. 

You remember Gary Head. They were in love and going to get married. Short review: Then, they beat each other up and were arrested. She married Courtland Rogers. Then, they beat each other up and got arrested. Then, she moved back in with Gary Head. She was going to divorce Courtland and marry Gary. Then, they got in a fight and she moved in with her husband, Courtland Rogers and they were arrested in April for beating each other up and possessing 12 bindles of heroin. Now, she has moved on to Sgt. Shirtless. 

Well, her court date with her husband Courtland is coming up on August 12th (the same day RHOM starts!), but he was released from jail this week. He had been sharing his showers  since April and needed to catch up with his wife. 

Jenelle and Courtland have been in a twitter war since he got out of the slammer and I just can't imagine how McHotty feels about it. Jenelle and Courtlands baby's mother, Taylor, are friends and they have play dates with their children, JaJa and Jace, so I don't see Courtland leaving her alone anytime soon. Jenelle claims she is waiting until December, when she can legally file for divorce in the state of North Carolina. I see her relationship with Sgt. Shirtless going south waaaaay before then. Le sigh. 

Since Taylor and Jenelle have been ganging up on Courtland, he has decided he needs a brother in twitter arms. Who did he turn to? KEEFUHHHHHHH! Thank God! What is Jenelle without Keefycakes? Whitney without Bobby. Sad. 

The boys are trying to put together a timeline on when McHotty first appeared on the scene and the last time every one had sex with one another. Please note the sheer number of people commenting on the sex life of Jenelle "spread it around" Evans:

Basically, Jenelle is wide open, y'all. 

Allegedly. Maybe. Definitely. Jenelle also alleged in several tweets that her time spent with Reefuh Keefuh was mostly filled with him (allegedly) taking bath salts and playing Call of Duty while ignoring her. I have a STRONG feeling that he was not on the bath salts because NELLY still has her face... 

In just a few short months, we will watch Jenelle inevitably self destruct, selfish Kailyn throw tantrums, whiney Chelsea sit on her couch, and Leah do some actual parenting in her polyandrous lifestyle! Oh, thank God! I was beginning to think we'd have to settle for Teen Mom 3. To be honest, just based loosely on the previews, I don't think there will be anyone to judge. I only like Teen Mom because I can freely judge these women with no reservations.

I. Can. Not. Wait.

Update July 30, 2013:

Source: Sulia/Rumor Fix

Jenelle posted the following article, which can only attest to the fact that MTV Teen Moms struggle incredibly with education.

"Last week I had a court date for the assault charge against myself and my husband. I ended up getting the court date continued and now my lawyer revealed that I might be able to get out of this heroin charge?! I really hope so! Dustin Sullivan is my lawyer and told RadarOnline that he might be able to get myself a plea bargain with probation with all of the charges being dropped except for the bowl that was in my possession at the time..."

So Dustin, esq. is going to lie to the court and claim that Jenelle had no knowledge of the heroin in her home? Wasn't she FRESH out of rehab for heroin? I like that Jenelle brushes the crack pipe off like "NBD! I had drug ACCESSORIES, but the drugs weren't mine! Obvi!" 

Hey, hey, girly, we believe you.

No, I REALLY believe that Dustin, ESQ. will be counting money all week and giggling while watching retro MTV brunch marathons of The Hills. 

I wish Babs would weigh in. 

Jenelle is feeling so confident that she's freely throwing shade. 

Please note: nothing about rearing little Sophia is up to FarrahXXX Abraham. We ALL know Grandma GooGoo and Grandpa Victim are raising that child so that her mother can promote her Brown Eye Tour and spread her ass cheeks from here to Cleveland. Make that money, girl!

Such a ROLE MODEL! 

(Remember when she threw a Mother's Day party in a bar? Hahaha!!!)

 

Teen Mom 2 Season 4 Episode 12 FINALE

Okay guys, It's the 90 minute season finale... and possibly the series finale! Also tonight are the unseen moments and a preview of the reunion, but I'm only recapping the finale. I don't know how I could possibly be more excited. I bet this finale is packed with action, mystery, and intrigue self-pity, self-indulgence, excuses, and heroin-fueled rants about how tough it is to be a mom (kind of) while trying to do literally NOTHING else in life.

The only appealing clip of the unseen moments is one in which Jenelle is yelling at Barbara that she can't get a tattoo because of Gary. Then, Gary tries to stop her from backing out o the driveway by ... doing the above!

JENELLE EVANS ARRESTED: AGAIN!

Well, Juh-nell, ya ain't been payin ya child suh-part and ya keep shootin up ovah they-ah wiff ya BOOOOOOOYFRIEND! Youse ah a real LOOsah Juh-nell. Ya convicted Fell-un!

Teen Mom 2 Season 4 Episode 11

Tonight on Teen Mom 2.... Barbara tells it like it is

Teen Mom 2 Season 4 Episode 10

Tonight on Teen Mom 2: Chelsea spreads mono like wildfire! Yuck.

Disclaimer: My internet is being a real jerk, so please accept this post, flaws an all.

Teen Mom 2 Season 4 Episode 9

On this episode of Teen Mom 2: no one takes responsibility for any life decisions and viewers everywhere pull their hair out.

RHOC Rift: Me and Tamra Barney aren't talking.

Teen Mom 2 Season 4 Episode 7 and 8

Here come the brides... and Chelsea is crying over EVERY ceremony.
"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaad, That should be meeeeeeeeeeee and Aaaaaaaaduuuum"

Teen Mom 2 Season 4 Episode 6

PB&Jenelley doesn't give a shit

On this episode of Teen Mom, Kailyn is an oaf. Jenelle loves drugs. Barbara loves her boobs. Chelsea moves and cries.Leah wants to be married. Fast. No, I swear, its not a repeat! This is a new episode, y'all!

3 no wait make that FOUR New Babies For Teen Mom 2

FOUR BRAND NEW CASH COWS BABIES ON THE SET OF TEEN MOM 2

Teen Mom 2 Season 4 Episode 5

Jenelle showed off her new friends to her boss, Duffy.
Then, he showed them off to all of twitter.
Now, I'm showing them off to all of you!
Sharing is caring...

The Reason Kailyn Hates Vee

Kailyn hates Vee so much because....

Teen Mom 2 Season 4 Episode 4

I never need to read the rest of this. It's enough that he posted, "Remember when I got out of jail on that coke charge?" Oh Kieffer, we really missed you. You are the Stan Zbornak to our Golden Girls.

This week on Teen Mom 2, Kieffer gets philosophical.

Teen Mom 2 Season 4 Episode 3

This week on Teen Mom 2, Kailyn makes me want to eat acid.

Where in the world is Jenelle Evans? updated

I didn't know Kieffer and Gary are friends. I wonder how they ever wound up chasing each other around a courthouse? Fair weather friends. Frienemies. Lyin' hustaluhs!

Updated: March 12, 2013

Teen Mom 2 Season 4 Episode 2

Pregnant? Whatever!

OHMIGAWD YALL! Chelsea is like FINALLY in hair school! She totally doesn't care what Adam thinks about it either, and she needs like... you know.. volunteers to do perms on! She MIGHT be pregnant, but probably not, but maybe, but totally not, and everything else is totally going great, basically, especially because she can wear leopard scarves to hair school!

TBT

I love when they post throwback pics!
We get to see things like:

Teen Mom2 Season 4 Episode 1

Jenelle has introduced us to Gary Head. I smell a storm brewing. Bawbruh really likes him. She declares there is just NO comparison between him and Keiffer. She gets a real good vibe from him. Jenelle moves into another rental with another friend. (These teen moms think moving solves everything...) She tells Gary that she wants to get custody of Jace. "Thats the main thing". They seems coherent, which is nice. Its too bad I already know what is to come... Then, her friend tells her Keiffer is out of jail. Keiffer then calls Gary looking for Jenelle and invites them to a three-way phone call. I can't wait!

Everything Jenelle

Yay! Teen Mom 2 is in its 4th (and maybe last) season!
I have been posting on my facebook for a few weeks now with Jenelle Evans updates that I was receiving via her twitter feed. This broad REALLY loves twitter. Her life is total chaos and I really enjoy reading about it! Well, apparently, MTV was filming the whole thing and hopefully none of it ever sees the cutting room floor! Here's a brief synopsis of what has been going on...